The Connection with Jay Miralles

Silent Pain to Second Chances: a teen’s journey through bullying, suicide survival, and faith-Part 1 of 3 Part Series

• Jay Miralles • Season 4 • Episode 43

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 🎧 Content Warning:
This episode contains open and honest discussions about suicide, self-harm, and mental health struggles. The conversation may be distressing for some listeners.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out for help.
In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone—help is available 24/7. 

PART 1 OF 3 PART SERIES

A boy we once called “Little Will” returns as a 17-year-old with a story that’s equal parts heartbreak and hard-won hope. What starts as casual banter about sports, Fortnite, and bowling opens into the quiet realities of bullying’s “little things,” the late-night tears no one saw, and the spiral that followed—slipping grades, lost identity, and the heavy thought that disappearing might hurt less. Will takes us to Halloween 2022, when a party no one attended became more than a bad night; it became a fault line. He shares, with raw honesty, the suicide attempt that nearly ended everything, the days he woke to tubes and warnings he might never walk or talk again, and the rehab victories that most of us overlook—throwing a football, laughing with a friend, tasting joy in small, sweet rituals.

The path back wasn’t straight. After the hospital came a slide toward the crowd that accepts quickly but cares little—smoke, drinking, and numbing out. Then a moment of clarity: a slip at a pumpkin patch, a palm through glass, and a thought that wouldn’t let go—What am I doing? Homeschool followed, along with a deliberate retreat from social media and the empty currency of likes. Will speaks to every kid chasing approval on a screen: you won’t remember who commented when you’re sixty. What you will remember is who answered when you called, who showed up at your bedside, and who told you to stay.

The turning point has a name for Will: Jesus Christ. He describes a steady return—Switch youth nights, notes in his phone, verses highlighted, prayers at night and in the morning. He found a community that meets mistakes with grace and helps him aim at meaning instead of metrics. We talk about redefining acceptance, inviting friends even if they’re “not church people,” and building a life with simple, solid steps: a job at Ace Hardware to get better with people, plans for trade school in plumbing or electrical, and a clear goal—graduate and keep going. He honors the courage of his sister, who found him and called 911, and the steadfast love of parents who gave time and fought for his recovery.


RESOURCES
If you or someone you know is in pain, feeling hopeless, or thinking about suicide — please reach out for help. You are not alone, and your story is not over. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 right now to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — it’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Veterans can press 1 after dialing 988 to connect directly with the Veterans Crisis Line.You can also find resources online at:

  • 🌐 988lifeline.org

  • 🌐 VeteransCrisisLine.net

  • 🌐 NAMI.org/Help
     (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
  • 🌐 MakeTheConnection.net
     (Stories and resources for Veterans)


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SPEAKER_00:

Connecting the dog. Connecting his dust to the world. Creating more connections. Welcome to The Connection. Meet your host, author, coach, Air Force veteran Jay Morales.

SPEAKER_03:

So today I have Will Cummings with me, and I've known you for how long, Will? Ten years? Yeah. Yeah. How old were you? Probably seven years old. Right. Little Will. That's what I called you then. No. So Will, why don't we catch everyone up to now? So you're you were at Millard. I was at Millard, yeah. Yeah, Millard West. And you went there your freshman year? I went there my freshman year through my like halfway through my junior year. Halfway through your junior year.

SPEAKER_04:

Almost halfway, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely. What are some of the things that kept you busy before before at school? At school, I would say like you did sports.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. I I mean I did some sports. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess it's like just like things outside of school. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like what what did you do? What you bowled as well?

SPEAKER_04:

I bowled, I played football. I well, after like the whole incident thing. Yeah, yeah. Even before I couldn't play football, but even before that, I bowled. Did you I still am?

SPEAKER_03:

You still are? Okay, well. What are some of your favorite games? I would probably say skate. I mean, ever heard of that? No, I I haven't. That's a new one for me. All I know is Fortnite and Roblox. Yeah. Right now I play a lot of Fortnite. Yeah. Okay, Fortnite too. I know that. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A lot of skate. Okay. Let me think. So so those are the things. Typical teenage boy. Typical teenage boy, right? First of all, you don't look like a teenager mustache. So for for the record, Will is 17. Yeah. Okay. 17 years old. And now you're a senior. Yeah. And you're homeschooled now. Yeah. Right? Okay. So, Will, now that you know we can people can relate to you, you know, a 17-year-old teenager. Um, I want to talk about early story and you know just some of the background. Can you tell us a little bit about your life leading up to the struggles, right? What are what are some of the things that you do remember or some of the things you're comfortable talking about?

SPEAKER_04:

Oh I remember just like like a just sad wave come over me, like at some times. Like, I mean, I remember I was getting bullied a lot. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

But take me through that. You know, so so we hear the word bullied, you know, we hear the word, you know, being picked on, or, you know, what what are what are some of if it's not too painful to talk about, what are some of the things that you had to endure or be bullied about? Just like small things.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, it's not really like a like a certain thing like that I did or had that would like lead to bullying. It's just like small things, yeah, like my last name. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, I get it, right? Yeah, yeah. So that's important when you say the little things, because when we think bullying, we think of some person twice the size of someone pushing them. And that's not necessarily it, right? We're talking about they're just I make fun of me. Making fun, right? And and while people say, Oh, you gotta have thick skin, or you know, hey, you gotta be tougher than that. Did people tell you, you know, like, hey, you gotta be tougher than that, or what when you heard that, what did you think when people said, Come on, man, it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_04:

Did do they ever do that? I mean, no one well at times they did, but yeah, like if if I took it personally, they would say just have like thicker skin or something, yeah, like build a layer over yourself, yeah, or something like that.

SPEAKER_03:

Would you say as a kid, and this will help other kids looking, I mean, to for for answers, would you say that it was easy to hide how you felt inside?

SPEAKER_04:

At the time I did I yeah, it was easy to like because like I was like this like extrovert at the time. Yeah, yeah. But like when I got home and like late at night, like I would cry myself to sleep at times. Yeah, I just like listen to like sad music. So so you just like so out in front of the public. In like in public, I was like an extrovert. I was always like enjoying myself, I was happy, but like just like what like I guess on the inside, it it it hurt. It hurt.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. You know, we don't think about the things, right? We only see what people put on Facebook and Instagram and living their best lives. And like you said, when you're out extroverted, you were somewhat putting up with it. And then, like you said, when you would go home, that's the part I think, and this is again, I'm not some mental health specialist, but I think the part that we don't see is when the person who is feeling sad retreats like that, goes home, and just like you said, in your room, crying yourself to sleep, you know what I mean? And and you only see that in the movies, right? Like, yeah, people see that in the movies. That does, and and then we as a society don't talk about it because we shouldn't talk about things like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

You know, but like that that stuff like makes me bad, like how like people like just don't decide to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, tell me tell tell me you you're you're onto something there where you say, Hey, it's important to me that people talk about it.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it's really important that people talk about like how they feel or like like just at least open up.

SPEAKER_03:

Well what if I say, Oh man, I'm too embarrassed, bro.

SPEAKER_04:

Just I mean, like when I got out of the hospital, I used to say like it's whatever, yeah, like all the time. You say it's whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and that's how I basically would approach things. Like if I did something like embarrassing in my house or like maybe in public, I would say it's whatever.

SPEAKER_03:

It's whatever, who cares, right? So you basically suppressed your feelings, you just put up with it for a second, and then when it was quiet, I think that's when it gets people, even for me. When I'm by myself isolated from people, I think that's when you know the thoughts, uh ideations you know creep in. And it's easy to get down on yourself and and hard on yourself and talk. What what what were some of the things you were saying to yourself, Will? And if you know, again, if you're not comfortable talking, you can just tell me, hey, let's let's move to the next question. But what are some of the things you told yourself through this? Like, did you start believing it?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I guess so. I mean I don't know. I mean, I guess I just told myself that maybe it was better if I was like somewhere else or gone.

SPEAKER_03:

Or gone. Okay, yeah. It's okay. We can talk openly here. What were some of the challenges that you carried silently, right? Like maybe you just didn't tell anyone. So like what were you ashamed of, or what are the things that scared you the most? So what scared me because I my grades were pretty bad freshman year. Okay, so what were you thinking then? Because your grades started declining. Yeah, okay, horribly.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So like I got I got like kicked off the football team because of my grades. I mean, I just yeah, I was really embarrassed because of that. Okay, so you went into a downward spiral. Yeah, I went to a huge spiral.

SPEAKER_03:

Besides yourself, who who else was hard on you?

SPEAKER_04:

Like coaches, like players?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, your your fellow players. What what were some of the things they were saying to you that made you, you know, like man, embarrassed or ashamed? Or yeah, what were they saying?

SPEAKER_04:

Um, they were saying like uh like I'm not good enough, or just like get off the team, something like that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I appreciate your courage now you're telling this because this is a healing journey, right? Now we're here to tell the story, right? And I'm glad you're here. So, you know, with that frame of mind, just keep that in mind as I'm asking you these questions. Looking back now, K17. Were there any warning signs to yourself that you know you were like, man, this is I don't even want to be here. Like, I don't want to be alive. Like, when did you when did you think you detect that? What did is there an age? Is there an event that you remember that you're just like, man, I I don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_04:

I would say like Halloween of 2022. Okay, how old were you then? I think I was 13. 13, okay. So actually, no, 14.

SPEAKER_03:

14. Okay, so so let's let's talk about that. Why do you remember Halloween of Halloween?

SPEAKER_04:

Because I hosted a like a Halloween party that year. At your house? Yeah, at my house. And like no one came.

unknown:

Wow.

SPEAKER_04:

But like one of my friends came and Jacob, Jacob Quist. Yeah, yeah. If you know that family, he came and two other kids who were like riding their bike around seeing who was trick-or-treating. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were they like stopped by because they they wondered what was going on. Yeah. And they stopped by for a while.

SPEAKER_03:

But do you think, Will, that when you had this party, did you make excuses in your mind, like, oh, maybe they didn't show because you knew?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03:

You knew?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, because when I opened up Snapchat, uh Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

We're gonna talk about that too, the social media aspect of this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

So when you open up Snapchat, what what did like they told me the reason why it's because it was supposed to be like boring or something like that?

SPEAKER_03:

I don't remember, but so the people you invited said that it was gonna be boring, we're not coming. I think so, yeah. From what you were man, I mean, I think every kid, especially still now, even before, were you seeking acceptance or fitting in? Yeah, how bad did you need that? Like, tell me, tell me why that was so important to you. It was important to me, because like uh I don't know actually.

SPEAKER_04:

I have no clue why it was important to me. Yeah, but like I feel like I needed to like fit in with like the a certain group of people.

SPEAKER_03:

Like what kind of certain group? We describe the group of people that you're like, man, I hope I I hope they accept me.

SPEAKER_04:

I hope I yeah, sporty kids, sporty kids, yeah, like the athletes, okay. Yeah, all them. And like I had a like a dream that I like I was gonna go into the big leagues, and then like yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_03:

You had dreams, yeah. Right? You you aspired to do great things, and those were the early warning signs. Okay, so bring us back to Halloween. The night's over. What do you do you remember anything from there or any events that from there that give you more warning signs? I did.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, uh there was, I mean, I tried guarding my dad's gun at the time. Like I was contemplating it, I was like thinking over and over. Yeah, and then I I I don't remember like after that, but sure. No, but I don't I don't think I no, I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I I know what you mean, and I know what you mean. That's that's really heavy. I want to move, I want to move on. What was the hardest season in your life? Now you were 13 when you were feeling that way, you know, from 13 to how old were you when 14, 14 years old. So so that whole year, okay. Do you remember any events in that year that maybe people can identify with and and be like, um, man, if you're experiencing this, this is a this is a true warning sign, or this is this is when you need help. What was the hardest part of that?

SPEAKER_04:

I would say like definitely when my grades started dipping. Okay. Like I like I started getting away from like all of the sporty kids because I got kicked off the football team. Yeah. And like, yeah, just I guess just when I started like feeling my lows, my grades started dropping.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so let's talk about that. Were you feeling low because your grades were dropping, or were you feeling low because you felt like you were letting yourself down, or was it you're letting your parents down? Was it letting who when you were getting lower grades? Did it go lower because of your because you just stopped working, or what came first? That's what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_04:

So what came first was definitely just anything else. Okay, just anything else but homework. Yes. Like I focused on like the littlest things and just didn't do my homework. Okay. You just refused. Refused, yeah. Okay. And like I just, I mean, my parents would get on me, but they're just trying to help.

SPEAKER_03:

Of course, of course. And I think that as a parent's role, if you can go back and really understand what you're trying, your parents were trying to support you. Yes, they might have been hard on you, but what did you really now? What you know about when you were slipping, what do you want them to know about how they supported you?

SPEAKER_04:

Uh they did pretty good. I don't know why I didn't listen. Yeah, yeah. They did pretty good. Yeah, they did.

SPEAKER_03:

You better give them a little more credit than that. Yeah. I mean, okay, y'all did really good. Well, well, you know, you just said, I don't know why I didn't listen, right? I mean, you're 14 at the time, not giving you an excuse either. But but I think how important is it now? You know, because I'm hard on Mason too, and Mason's 16 years old, right? And and I harp on him and I I want excellence for him. I mean what's what's a better way for me to approach someone? You know, what's a better way to for me to connect with with a kid like that? If you have to give advice to people, or or is it effective? It it's somewhat effective, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

But like if they were in the position I'm in, I guess it would just be like sympathize with them. Okay. Like like how? Like seeing like if they're like if they're depressed or anything, yeah, if they're like going through like a heartbreak or crap.

SPEAKER_03:

Anything like grades maybe slipping. Okay. Yeah. Just anything, really. Yeah, well, you know, and and again, we we all never know because there's never an announcement for any, you know, an event like this. So what do you think was the what was your breaking point?

SPEAKER_04:

Like where yeah, my breaking point to why to where where it brought you to. Okay. So my breaking point was when I broke up with my girlfriend.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Let's not say her name. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not gonna say her name. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's definitely that because like at the time my dog was dying, and we lost Storm 2023. Sure, I think.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

It's okay.

SPEAKER_03:

We're of 2023. Yeah, and then um broke up with your girlfriend. Broke up with my girlfriend. How much of your identity do you think you placed in in other relationships? How much of your worth did you put in a relationship or things? Like, did you put too much in a relationship? Did you put too much into your dog? Like, what responsibility of yours do you feel like you said, hey man, maybe I maybe I put myself way too out there?

SPEAKER_04:

I don't feel like I like put much responsibility. Like, I don't feel like I had any responsibilities. I mean, other than like hopping online to get with my friends, yeah, to get on with my friends. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I guess the question is before before what were you thinking? Were you were you blaming people? Were you saying or were you blaming yourself? Or what was the self-talk like?

SPEAKER_04:

Self-talk was definitely like I shouldn't be here, no one no one would care if I was gone.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, I want to talk about that. So what else did you say when you said no one cares? How do you really believe, or did you really believe, like, okay, no one's gonna care?

SPEAKER_04:

Uh yeah, I really believe that. I mean, I just felt like isolated, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, I guess like just like when I was alone in my room, I would like listen to like depressing music. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like you go into the entire not that just just you you immersed yourself in sadness or yeah, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_04:

I myself, yeah, yeah. Like at that point, I just didn't I didn't really care. I mean, I knew I was like depressed, but like I know how your faith is now.

SPEAKER_03:

How was your faith then though? Then it was nowhere near where I am now. Yeah, yeah so so believing in God then was just because you want to be a good boy, you want to believe in God, and and it's the right thing to go to church. There was real no real connection. Yeah, there was no connection at all. Okay, because we're gonna talk about your strong faith later. But you said the only. I didn't mean to interrupt you.

SPEAKER_04:

You said the only the only reason, like I said I well, the only reason why I went to church was to be with my friends.

SPEAKER_03:

So you're seeking even more connection, friends at church, right? Just hey, maybe these people will, you know, accept me. Yeah, maybe it's maybe it's more safe at church. No, that that's good to know because there are people that do seek community all the time, you know. And I'm gonna tell you, I still seek validation now. I I want to be accepted, right? I want approval, I want friends, I want people to like me. And I'm telling you, I think I think it's unhealthy at times. You know what I mean? So over the years, I've conditioned myself to say, you know what? If I have one friend, that's enough. Yeah, if I have two, it's a blessing. If I have three, man, that's that's all you really need. Yeah, you know what I mean? I know a lot of people, I network with a lot of people, but the meaningful relationships is what I'm after now. You know, and you had an accelerated learning from age zero to 17, especially, you know, with the hard times that you've you've you've faced under. Yeah. Yeah. Now I I want to talk about this, not for the shock and okay. I want to talk about this about how you even thought of where did you get the idea of your and if you don't even have to talk about the method, but where did you get the idea for your method? Um was it I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I don't know where I got the idea. Yeah. But I mean, I'm fine talking about it, but talk about whatever you want to talk about. I tried hanging myself, so yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know where I thought that method was like the greatest.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, yeah. I mean I mean it's brave of you to speak about it now, but when you when you woke up, let's let's go there now. When you woke up for the first time after that incident what's your earliest memory of waking up after that?

SPEAKER_04:

Earliest memory was probably when I like got up to hug my mom. How many days was that? Or was it I think that was like three days after?

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Were were you do you remember a lot of that?

SPEAKER_04:

I don't remember a lot of being in the hospital. Like no, I had like a tube down my throat for like breathing. I had a food, I had food going up my nose. What else? Like, I like do I have the scar still?

SPEAKER_03:

Did you have a lot of I have a I had a lot of needles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm I'm sure. I'm sure. You know what in your in your when you let's call this turning around now, right? Like do you remember your rehabilitative uh process? Do you remember going through the getting back on your feet? Do you remember any of that? Can you can you talk about that?

SPEAKER_04:

Can you so yeah, my rehabilitation process took about like maybe four weeks? No, it was like six weeks. Six weeks. So six weeks. So I had to do a lot of like physical therapy. Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

That was just the beginning. Yeah, that was just beginning. Just to get you, what was this off machines? Was it off just how long were you not breathing on your own, or how long was the tube down your throat? I think about five days.

SPEAKER_04:

Five days, okay. I think five days, and then I was off the breathing tube and uh I was able to breathe on my own.

SPEAKER_03:

What were some of your injuries that you that you know because I I think if I recall, they said that you weren't going to Yeah, I wasn't gonna like walk, walk talk, eat, drink by myself ever again. But I mean think about that for a second, right? We take all this for granted. Yeah. Do you remember them telling you this? Or no.

SPEAKER_04:

So my still my mom told me, and I was like, wow.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I mean, it was literally your fight to to live. You know what I mean? Take me back to some of your best parts of recovery, like where you started getting your your your functions back, or you know, tell me about the good days of recovery. The good days was when your son Mason came. Man, that's your friend, not my son, too. When your son, I love it, so formal. No, but okay, tell me about that. Yeah, I mean, because when we found out, my my it was surreal to me. Yeah, I I thought, I just remember this can't be the Cummings family. I I thought, like, this is who I've saved in my phone. I don't even remember except just being stunned. I just want you to know. And you know, when we told Mason, I knew it was probably, but that was further along, you know, when you're you know, when you're when you were, I think Madonna. You were at Madonna, yeah. And and so talk talk about how when Mason visited you in the hospital. Like what because I know you don't remember all of it. No, I remember you don't even remember me being there. I don't remember you now. Crazy.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't remember you being there, but I remember I remember like uh when me and Mason were like throwing the football in the gym, like playing Minecraft on the computers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I remember talking to your mom and listening to your progress, you know, just hey, he's throwing a ball now. And yeah, you know, think think about that. People take that for granted when their kids throw a ball, you know, or do you throw your ball with your kid enough? Do you know what I mean? That's that's things that I thought about then, you know, because I mean, what if you didn't make it? You know what I mean? What other good things from recovery do you remember? Peanut butter cups. Let's talk about that. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04:

I love my peanut butter cups. I love everything peanut butter. I'll eat, I'll eat pizza and peanut butter.

SPEAKER_03:

We talked about that. No, that's that's yeah, that's I mean, I I think we brought you like a a Walmart load or something like that. Oh yeah, just like a whole bunch of them. Yeah, I I still have good memories of that, you know. So, so now, you know, let's talk about your turning point, you know. So you you leave Madonna, okay. Uh what happens next? Do you are did you choose to try to go back to school or how was going, how was reintegrating back into normalcy?

SPEAKER_04:

So I didn't go to school for like because like I was only in the hospital for what two and a half months? I mean maybe one and a half. Yeah. So when I got back, I just spent the summer and like the because like I tried in February. So the rest of the time, like maybe through May. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean and you're you're behind our I was super behind. So at what point did you at what point was homeschooling the solution?

SPEAKER_04:

That's a funny story. Yeah. Because uh, when I got back into school, I decided to surround myself with all like the negative stuff, like the okay, the drugs and all that.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so let's talk about that. So you went back to school, and you're telling me you fell into a even badder, a worse crowd. Worse crowd. Because they accepted you, yeah. Because they were like, yeah, and and and and so you know. What was that like?

SPEAKER_04:

A bunch of smoking. That's all I remember. Okay, okay. Not all I remember, but all I all I did. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

That's all I did. Wow. Yeah. And so, you know, you'd think, hey, I I've got a second chance at life, but you fell into this. Yeah, I fell into this like rabbit hole of drinking, smoking.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And all that. I mean, I didn't take any like syringes.

SPEAKER_03:

I didn't know good, yeah. But I mean, none of none of that's good. You're all 17, and I'm not lecturing you, but I'm saying to you, when did when did it start? Okay, you fell. There was a big turning point. Tell me about the story of the glass. Oh, this is this is where it gets better. Oh, yeah, it does. Okay. So October. I don't remember when it was. That's okay. You don't need to remember dates. October 29th. Of last year. Last year, yes. Okay. Almost a year to the day.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, we're we're October 3rd, but yes. Almost, yeah. So, like here. So I had to have like two stitches there, yeah, two stitches there, uh one stitch here, and glue right here. So what happened was is I stuck my hand through glass because some kid decided to like we were at Ballast Pumpkin Patch. Oh my god. And uh, we were in like the egg, like where like you throw all them balls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I don't know, some kid was like throwing a ball at someone, and yeah, I it went like directly under my foot and I slipped. I tried to get my balance and I had my hand out like this. Yes, the glass kind of just yeah, it smashed into the glass. Yeah, my hand smashed into the glass and went through it.

SPEAKER_03:

So were you horsing around? Were you like like why was that the turning point? Like, were you doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? No, I mean, just I I was running around, like having fun.

SPEAKER_04:

Sure, sure. And then being a kid, yeah, being a kid, but then by then that kid dropped the ball while I threw it or something. I don't know, I don't remember seeing it, but all I knew is a ball slip. I a ball was under my foot, I slipped hand glass, and I went to the like instant emergency. Okay, or like emerging kick. I got two stitches, two stitches, one stitch, glue. So in total, five stitches.

SPEAKER_03:

So that happened, and then you told me something about what am I doing?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, and then and then I was like, What am I doing? Because like at that time I was still in school doing all the drugs and stuff, yeah. And I was like, What am I doing? Right. Like I it was like it was a huge like reality check. Yeah, reality check. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So who were you talking to when you said, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_04:

I wasn't, I I just thought to myself, how that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah. And and then did you answer yourself? I mean, did you because you know you're sitting there? What did what what am I doing? Yeah, did you answer yourself back? Did you what were you thinking? I guess I was just goofing around being an idiot, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So so your family's laughing in the background there. That's okay. This is this is real podcast, unedited. But how did you turn? What what turned? What changed?

SPEAKER_04:

The thing that changed was I was dropped into homeschool, so I got into homeschool, and I've been doing that since October. So of last year. Of last year, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so okay, yeah. So then homeschool? All right. What does that do? What did that do for you? It it pulled you out of the of the like crowd that I was in. Did you try to seek the social media channel still while you were homeschooled or while you were in your house, or was it restricted?

SPEAKER_04:

Uh no, I mean I've I had Instagram like since August of last year. So I mean, I I've tried to download Snapchat, but then I've you know kind of put myself, pulled myself, well, my parents basically.

SPEAKER_03:

They pulled so it wasn't you as your parents. It's not, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, the last time I downloaded it, I pulled myself away. Yeah, because it was just like boring and useless. I didn't really see a purpose. Yeah, I could just get people's Numbers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And talk. And talk. Yeah. Weird. That's a lesson that we could all learn, right? Like talk. So talk, talk to a kid listening right now who is scrolling. They are looking for validation. They hope people like their pictures. They want to be accepted by the in-crowd. They want people commenting on their post. Talk to that kid right now.

SPEAKER_04:

It's not that important, kid. No, yeah, it's not that important. I mean, when you're 60, you're not gonna like remember who liked your post, who commented, who reposted. Oh god, that's so true, man.

SPEAKER_03:

That's so profound. It's true. When you are 60, no one's gonna care.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, no one's gonna care.

SPEAKER_03:

And and and and the fakeness. When you see a perfect life on Instagram, which did you did you put a did you portray a good, pretty good life on Instagram? Or were you like what was your posts like? Before?

SPEAKER_04:

Before oh, before? So I didn't really post much on Instagram. I post more on TikTok. Okay, TikTok. When I posted on TikTok, I posted a bunch of like like food reviews with my friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So no one could tell. It wasn't like help me keyboard warriors or anything like that. It was more like just goofing around. You weren't even posting your feelings online.

SPEAKER_04:

No. See? Well, I mean, I guess I was because I was like reposting like sad stuff. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so that's a that's a sign too. I haven't been on TikTok forever. Good for you. Good for you. But you're just on Instagram now. Just Instagram solely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And do you post now or um I posted when I went to prom with my ex.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

So you went to prom this year? Yeah. With your ex. Yeah. Really? How was that? Oh, it was all right. I mean, it wasn't like uh just like stand and dance. It was more of a sit around and talk.

SPEAKER_03:

That's cool.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Well, I'm sure that's a whole nother podcast for later, my friend. That's a whole series. I want to talk about now the turning point where you truly on your path to healing, right? And you're still healing and you're still battling through it, I'm sure. But talk to me about what part faith or your belief in God played in where you are sitting right now.

SPEAKER_04:

God has basically like helped me through all the challenges and tribulations, just all my challenges and tribulations, just everything.

SPEAKER_03:

He's where's he where did he where did you where did you run back into God? Was it after the homeschool? Was it after prompt? Was it after the you put your glass, your hand through the glass? Like, okay. It was after that. Okay, so how did you reach out to him?

SPEAKER_04:

So I started like really reading like going into my Bible more by yourself or because of the switch? Well, mainly, well, I mean, I started taking notes from switch, kind of like a whole note thing on my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I put like just whatever the message is about verses. Yeah, yeah. And like I've highlighted a lot in my Bible.

SPEAKER_03:

You met good people like people. Like, you know, some some pretty cool people. I mean, talk about the people, the kids in church that you met, and and we don't need to say all their names, but let's talk about the kind of people or are they different?

SPEAKER_04:

A little bit. Okay. Just how they act and like how they view view the world. Yeah. They view the world. They view it from like a peaceful, more like like if you do something wrong, then it's okay, but just don't do it again.

SPEAKER_03:

Would you say they their values are lined up like yours? Yeah. What are some of the values you have now that you didn't have before? What are some of the things you value most in your faith that you never had? I value Jesus Christ right now. So amen, brother. Yeah. I love that, man. I love how your energy just shifted when you said that. Tell me, tell me when when if someone's uncomfortable even saying the name Jesus Christ, like what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_04:

He's always there for you. Like through like your toughest battles, your I don't know, your uh how do you talk to him now?

SPEAKER_03:

Like, like I know he doesn't have Snapchat, right? Right? Like, how do you how do you reach out to Jesus now?

SPEAKER_04:

Uh I mainly pray at night or in the mornings. Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't pray this morning because uh we were in a rush.

SPEAKER_03:

And we were wrecking this morning five miles this morning.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, five miles this morning. But uh yeah, because I woke about like 4 40 and no. Yeah, that you're already a morning person. Oh my gosh, no.

SPEAKER_03:

You will be soon. No, but uh you gave your testimony at Switch, yeah, right? And life church. Yeah, I like life church, yeah. Yeah. Were you there last Wednesday too? Yeah, I'm I'm there almost every Wednesday. Yeah, you look forward to it. Yeah, I look forward to it. If you don't make it there, is it almost like you miss something big? I I don't remember a time where I missed it. Really?

SPEAKER_04:

That's awesome. But I think I missed it once. Okay. And well, like that was because I went after the hospital and I haven't missed it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, since after the hot you haven't missed switch? Well, maybe once. Maybe once or yeah. No, that's that's because of uh it's important to you. Yeah, it's very important. It's your life. So now, how do you look at acceptance? Like, how do you look at people now? Do you still need to be as accepted as you needed before? I mean, I'm sure, but how do you look at it now? Like when you meet new people, how do you how does Will feel when I meet new people?

SPEAKER_04:

I d like I I mean, some like some of my friends around me seek a acceptance. I mean, yeah, yeah. But like I just I seek friendship. I mean that's okay, that's fair. That's the main thing I focus on. Yeah. But like if I mean one of my best friends, he found God, apparently. And like I really did you help him in his faith journey, or was it just you he he was it was just him. Okay, okay. His uncle, I think, helped him. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

If someone wants to take a step towards healing, what's the first thing you would encourage them to do? Say someone's depressed, say they're they've never sought help before, they they don't even know they have a problem, but they know they're playing the sad music, they're they're they're just they don't think they should be alive anymore. What's what's one step they can take to start the healing process? If I don't want to talk to anybody, I don't want to, I don't want to get any help. Because you know when you ask people, do you need help? Guess what they always say? No, nope, yeah. What would you say to that person right now? I would say Jesus Christ. Wow. Okay, oh God. Yes. I mean, you didn't say a doctor. No. Don't say a psychiatrist or a psychologist. No. Tell me about that. Like, someone is depressed, his name's let's just make up a name, Derek. All right. What would you say to Derek? Like, Derek's 15 years old. Derek?

SPEAKER_04:

Seek it like acceptance to God. Don't seek acceptance to like your friends or anything. Yeah. Seek acceptance to God. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_04:

Well, don't, yeah. So you, I mean, someone will you could have someone pray over you, you could pray for yourself. Would you pray for Derek? Yeah, I definitely would.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, what do you say when people are like, man, really? Jesus Christ, really? Like, does that does that put you off? Does that offend you? Does it or do you just, you know?

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, it somewhat upsets me. Sure, sure. But like, it doesn't upset me to the point where I'm like angry at them. Okay. Yeah. Like, the only person I get angry at is my sister.

SPEAKER_03:

She's gonna have time to rebuttal here later. Why do you get angry at your sister? Because she's your sister. I mean, yeah. She's fit. Well, how old are you, Kenzie? 15. So so let me ask you this. Your sister is the one that found you. Yeah, yeah. You know, how's your relationship now versus, you know, with your sister before?

SPEAKER_04:

So before I really like like forced my sister to do things, like yeah, yeah. But now I'm just like, I guess like loving toward my sister. Okay. Okay. I mean, besides that, she's my sister. She's a sophomore now. She was a freshman last year, but uh I made fun of her because she was a freshman at times, not all the time.

SPEAKER_03:

But what what what role did you think your sister played in your incident?

SPEAKER_04:

My sister played a huge role in like letting the firemen in because my sister, I think she's the one who called 901.

SPEAKER_03:

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, yeah, it's yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

What what are some words you describe your sister with about that in that situation? Brave.

SPEAKER_04:

Really freaking brave. I mean, I love my sister to death.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And I I think I always will. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_03:

You better. I mean, you're here probably because of her. Yeah. You know? If you could summarize your story, Will, in one sentence of of encouragement, what would it be? One sentence of encouragement. Yeah, I know it's a deep question, right? Like maybe it doesn't have to be one sentence, but you have people listening and and they're looking for the bright side of things. How can you encourage those people to say better days are ahead?

SPEAKER_04:

Jesus Christ. He will help you. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's been there for me since day one. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. I mean, just don't stop your faith. Yeah. Don't discontinue it. Don't seek for better things.

SPEAKER_03:

Can people join you, Will? Like your friends are going to be listening to this. Yeah. I mean, would you invite your friends, any of your friends, to join you? To join me? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Heck yeah. I've tried inviting which I've tried inviting my best friend, but uh he's not a church person. So that's okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. The people are gonna be where they're at, you know? And so let me ask you this what's the life you're building for yourself now? You know, and and what excites you most about the future? What excites me is that I'm still alive today. Yes, yeah, yes, amen, brother. Yeah, I'm still doing well. I'm glad you're here, bro. Thank you. I mean that. And you're doing well. What are some of the things you look forward to? I I definitely look forward to graduation? I mean, graduates, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. Done with high school. Done with high school. My gosh. Yeah, yeah. What what are some aspirations? And and and this is not like cut in stone. Like when I was a kid, I told people that I wanted to be an astronaut. I told them I wanted to be a guitar player. But now you're retail. You know, what what do you think you what are some of your dreams?

SPEAKER_04:

Um my dream is to become like a plumber or electrician.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. I mean, I'm planning on going to Metro.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, good. So you already in your mind know you want to do that. You know college is voluntary, right? That's something you want to do. That's something you want to do for yourself. Yeah. And you work? You have a job now? I have a job now. Yeah, yeah. Tell me, tell me about your. So I work at Westlake Ace Hardware. Yes, and you know I always go there. I never seen you there, but I go there and I stare at all the barbecue stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, when you come in, I'm gonna say, Hey, Jay's here again.

SPEAKER_03:

No, why is it important for you to have a job now? Like, I mean, do you even need to work? I mean, why do you work?

SPEAKER_04:

I feel like it's like a like something I can grow on. Yeah, like like when I like met new people, I would get like really nervous or almost like out of words, lots of words. I don't know what to say to people. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah, I mean what about your comfortableness of talking about this? You know, do people come up to you now and like there's well, what do you want them to feel like? And you know, like, because it's a it's a hard subject, you know, to talk about. It's very difficult to, you know, to experience. And here's Chewy. My dog is in the studio. How do you want people to approach you now?

SPEAKER_04:

Um so after I like shared my testimony and everything, I got like approached at church, like by a lot of people who are like, hey, thank you for sharing that. I got approached maybe a few days ago. Well, no, what day is it today? Friday? Friday. Yeah, yeah, Friday. Hi, Chewy. So I got a approach at church on Sunday, last Sunday, saying, She was saying, Did you speak at church at Switch the other day, like a couple weeks ago? Yeah. And I said yes, and she was like, Thank you. You helped a lot of like my my friend is a uh switch group leader, so apparently I helped a lot of kids. Man, that's so cool, bro.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's great. That's a big deal, Will. I mean, I have just seen you grow in the last year or so. This is a hard subject to talk about, yeah. You know, but you're okay with sharing your story and you can talk about it. And you know, a lot of people won't understand, but for the people who need this most, I mean, I think it's going to, I think it's gonna help you save them, bro.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. I hope so. I mean, one life saved is is a lot. One life saved is a milestone for me.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Is there anything else that uh you want to say, Will, and before I interview the rest of your family? Good luck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's gonna be hard. Yeah what do you want to say to your family right now?

SPEAKER_04:

I love you guys so much. Yeah, I love them. Yeah, I wouldn't be here without them. I mean, who would pay my uh hospital bill? Who would pay the ambulance bill besides my parents?

SPEAKER_03:

I mean the the time, but the time is the most important thing. Time, yeah. Time and and now you have time. And I'd like to do a follow-up in the future, you know, just to keep your progress going. And I appreciate you allowing me to enter a portion of your life that is very hard to talk about, but I love the comeback story. Yeah, I mean, your your test was your testimony, you know what I mean? And I encourage you, Will, to keep bettering yourself and in just know that I think, and I don't want to place this burden on your shoulders, but I think you could be a great role model for kids or adults who had an ideation, you know, of of not being around, of wanting to take their life. And yeah, I I take this very serious. And and remember, if if if you're in a position that you are feeling that you're not worth it or that you're depressed, or that you're having ideations, I encourage you to dial 988. And I encourage you to reach out to the hotline. I encourage you to reach out to friends, I encourage you to have faith in Jesus Christ. I encourage you to do whatever it is to take one step of out of wherever you're at. And will any last bits of advice for anyone?

SPEAKER_04:

Just seek Jesus Christ, seek Jesus Christ, seek God, read your Bible, and you're devotional daily.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. So I mean it's it's it's you you need you need the reminder, you know, day in and day out. But uh I'm proud of you, Will, and I I'm I'm proud to uh be in your life. And again, you know, it it the words that people need to hear. I I am glad you're here, brother. Thank you. Glad you're here. All right.

SPEAKER_01:

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