The Connection with Jay Miralles

The Life-Changing Freedom of Sobriety

• Jay Miralles • Season 4 • Episode 38

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We explore how giving up alcohol creates unexpected space for bigger, more authentic living through the eyes of six individuals at different stages of their sobriety journey. Each shares candid reflections on what surprised them, what they feared losing, and what they gained by choosing a life without alcohol.

• Discovering the unexpected gift of more time—reclaiming "lost" days previously spent recovering from drinking
• Sleep quality dramatically improves, creating a foundation for better health and clearer thinking
• Learning to navigate social situations and find authentic fun without alcohol as social lubrication
• The clarity moments that led each person to choose sobriety, from parental responsibility to health concerns
• How friendships and relationships evolve when alcohol is removed from the equation

If you're sober curious or considering a change in your relationship with alcohol, know that you don't have to wait until things get bad to make a positive change. As one guest advised: "Give it one year—if your life isn't predominantly better, you can always go back."

  1. Tami: Tami is a mother of three and a seasoned hairdresser with 36 years of experience. She embarked on a journey of sobriety starting with a one-month dry challenge, which has now extended to over a year and a half. Tami enjoys her new lifestyle, embracing early workouts and a positive outlook on life.
  2. Jody J: Jody is a retired Senior Master Sergeant from the Air Force, where she served for 21 years. Now a mother of three and a bakery owner, Jody has been sober for 921 days, attributing her success to personal determination and support from friends like Jane.
  3. Stephen: Stephen is a dedicated father of three who works at a dairy and enjoys spending quality time with his family through activities like fishing and swimming. With 117 days of sobriety, Stephen is committed to being present for his children and improving his lifestyle.
  4. Leah J: Leah is a mother of two and the owner of an event planning company called The Event Firm. She has been alcohol-free since 2018, focusing on living a fulfilling life without counting the days of sobriety.
  5. Amanda: Amanda is a single mother and a passionate advocate for healing from addiction and trauma. With 18 and a half years of sobriety, she is pursuing a master's degree to become a counselor and runs a nonprofit dedicated to helping others.
  6. Scott: Scott is a family man with two daughters, managing a local store in Omaha. His journey to sobriety began with a dry January challenge, and he has now surpassed 900 days without alcohol, finding joy in his early morning routines.

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Speaker 1:

connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the world, creating more connections. Welcome to the connection. Meet your host. Author, coach, air force veteran jay morales.

Speaker 2:

So I'm going to start off with a question what if the bravest thing you do today is pour nothing into your glass? Tonight, I have a great panel of people who said no to their next drink and yes to a bigger life. With that being said, I'm going to introduce them all, one by one, and they're going to give you a little bit about themselves, a little bit about their journey, their sober journey. But we're going to cover a lot today, and I'm going to start with Tammy. So, tammy, if you'll introduce yourself and just tell everyone a little bit about you, Hi there I'm Tammy.

Speaker 3:

bit about you. Hi there, I'm tammy. I am a mother of three, hairdresser for 36 years and a rucker, I guess, is a reformed runner now, rucker, I decided to try one month dry and it's been however many days you just told me. I don't pay attention to it, I just go by. It's been a year and a half plus.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome, I love it. I love it. Everyone is different, for sure, jodi you next.

Speaker 1:

Yes, my name is Jodi Jefferson. I'm a retired senior master sergeant from the Air Force, 21 years. I am also a mother of three, a wife and I own my own bakery now, and I have been sober for 921 days, and it's all thanks to Jay oh my God, that's crazy.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for crediting me, but it's all because of you, thanks to Jay. Oh my God, that's crazy. Thank you for crediting me, but it's all because of you, steven. 117 days, tell me, tell me, tell everyone a little bit about you.

Speaker 4:

Well, my name is Steven Taylor. I'm a dad of three, I'm married and I've been working at the dairy for nine and a half years, and I love spending time with my kids fishing, swimming all sorts of stuff.

Speaker 2:

Awesome brother. Thank you, Leah.

Speaker 5:

Hi, I'm Leah Johnson and I am a mother of two, and I own an event planning company called the Event Firm, and I gave up drinking in 2018. So I don't count days anymore, so I just don't drink.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome, and that's a question later for everyone. Amanda, 18 and a half years. Amanda, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, I'm Amanda, I am a single mom to one little girl and, yeah, I've been sober 18 and a half years. 21 years old did me in. It was quite brutal, but today I absolutely love life. I love sober life. I am finishing a master's degree to be a counselor and I run a nonprofit and really my heart is to help people heal from addiction and trauma. Mental health challenges.

Speaker 2:

Awesome, awesome, happy to have you here. Thank you so much, scott. How are you, scott, 900 days 900 days.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, A little over 900 days Just started from a dry January thing that my wife was doing and yeah so married. Two girls manage a local fleet feet store here in Omaha and, yeah, excited to be here.

Speaker 2:

Well, I'm grateful to have all of you on. Thank you so much for at least giving a little bit about yourself. I'm going to start the first question, and this is not in any sequence, right, but people are listening and they're saying, hmm, I think I want to try this, maybe. But people are listening and they're saying, hmm, I think I want to try this, maybe I'm not sure. What surprised you, jodi, the most about sobriety? What surprised you the most Jodi about sobriety.

Speaker 1:

I get really good sleep now.

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay, any follow-ups to that. So you didn't know this before. Right, but your sleep is a lot better.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Anything to add to that, Anything surprises you? I mean.

Speaker 1:

I think there was probably. I mean, it was just what we did in the military. We worked really hard, but we partied even harder and it was just a part of. I was air crew and so when the wheels touched down, we were all cracking bottles and I did that for many, many years.

Speaker 2:

No, I get it. Scott. What surprised you about sobriety?

Speaker 7:

Yeah, probably how easy it was. I mean, I know it's not that case for everybody, but when I decided to do it dry January, I just it wasn't hard for me. I mean it was more of an instinct when I got home to grab a drink or make a drink or something and I just decided I wasn't going to do that and I thought it was going to be very difficult and it just wasn't. But again I realized that's not the struggle for everybody.

Speaker 2:

So anybody else have anything to add to the surprise, the surprise.

Speaker 5:

Mine was days of the week. I didn't realize how many days of the week there were. I didn't realize how many days of the week there were because if I would plan out my weeks on when I should drink, because I knew I would feel like crap for several days. So for a while it was like, well, if I drink on Thursday night, then I feel like crap, you know Friday and Saturday, but then at least Sunday I can be productive maybe. And so when I became sober and I didn't have like I could not believe how many hours of my life I got back.

Speaker 5:

And so, as silly as that sounds, I mean my entire brain and my social life and it was like, well, okay, when can I go out and drink so that I can still try to be productive and make the things that I need to make happen happen. So to have seven full days in a week and go oh my gosh, look at how much more productive I can be, it was freaking crazy. But yeah, that's how I managed. My calendar was on what nights I was going to drink and how I feel the next few days after.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely One of the things that we get asked like do you still have fun? So, tammy, this one's going to be for you. So, tammy, when ever you hear people say, god, well, I can't have fun, or do you still have fun, tammy, talk about that like, talk about that feeling.

Speaker 3:

I definitely feel like I still have fun. I feel like I get to enjoy everything so much more. I've gone back to my early workouts, sleeping. That's a huge thing. Just like Jodi said, that makes a major difference. You know, I'll drink NA beers because I like the flavor of it, but I also like the factor of leaving a bar not worrying. If you know, I maybe shouldn't have driven which I was not that much of a drinker but it just became like something I thought of every day and I didn't like that feeling. So I decided, okay, let's see how this goes. But yeah, I still have fun. I mean, my son is really big into bourbon and I just sniff his glass now I'm like, oh, let me smell that. I like that smell, but I don't have that need for that to have fun.

Speaker 3:

I'm a joyous person, right, jay, I'm even happy.

Speaker 2:

You are. You are definitely a joyous person. I can set my. Your predictability is Tammy will show up, and she's almost always positive, and if she's not, there's something really really wrong.

Speaker 3:

And nobody wants to know that one, so I just keep it good.

Speaker 2:

Yes, amanda, and then Scott Amanda. Same thing Like how do you even have fun? Like when do you go to fun places?

Speaker 6:

still, so I have been sober a long time and so the beginning of it is completely different than what it's like today. And so I started drinking when I was 15 and I stopped at 22 and there was a lot of chaos and I had no idea how to have fun. I'm telling you, like it was bizarre, like I would try to play board games and I was crawling out of my skin Like it was so uncomfortable. I had to learn how to have fun sober. I had to learn how to date sober. I had to learn how to have fun sober. I had to learn how to date sober. I had to learn how to start conversations, how to go to work, all of the things Sober.

Speaker 6:

As in my 20s, like I didn't know, I was afraid to go back to college. I didn't know how I was going to get through college sober, but I did. I found a crew, I found other sober people and they taught me how to have fun and we could drink Red Bulls and stay up late, like 20-year-olds do instead of other things, and stay up all night long. So we just learned how to do it, you know, in a sober way. And I think that's the big part was finding that community, finding people that I could do this sober life with.

Speaker 6:

Now, today, I can go anywhere Like I am just me. I show up with my full, authentic self, and some places I don't want to go it's just not my vibe, and I know that too. Like I don't go to the bar, it's just not for me. You know, if there was something going on like and somebody invited me, then probably, but like, I don't just like go out, I just don't like it. So I have found what's fun for me. Like fun for me is like getting out on my bike or going out for a hike or, you know, paddleboarding, something like that. That's what's fun. So that's really what I've found in this journey is redefining what fun is.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and some of us work around this. So, leah, this is for you, and then Scott follow up, and then fresh question for Steven. So, leah, you are in the entertainment realm industry where you are exposed to all the elements that some of us were able to take away. Talk about that real quick, about the fun you have there, and the boundaries or the temptations are none.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, so it is very easy in my world, especially when you're attending a work event or an industry event. It's everywhere. That's just what we do, right? So when I made the choice to quit drinking and kind of the mantra that I had in my head is, if I want people to take me seriously, I have to start taking myself seriously. Yes, but I've also seen now that I started going and being that sober person and then you actually see what it does to people because you're not that person anymore. See what it does to people because you're not that person anymore.

Speaker 5:

It just honestly, every time I go out and I see what happens when people drink, it literally just reaffirms why I don't. So it over the years it's just become easier and easier and easier and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. So it, I don't know, to each their own, I guess. But again, coming from the addiction part and fighting that off, I don't know. It's easy to be around because the last thing that I want to do is poison my body. So it's just like I don't do it anymore. I just don't. It's not going to happen. There's nothing you could say or persuade me to do that. So I don't know, but yeah, it definitely gets easier to do that. So I don't know, but yeah it it got. It definitely gets easier as you go.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, scott. So fun, right. I mean, it looks like you always have a smile on your face. I mean, if you could see this podcast or Scott's. Always like that, though, but, scott, it wasn't always like that, you know. Um, right, I mean, were there challenging times in your first early journey to make you not have fun or almost feel disincluded?

Speaker 7:

so I don't know about that. I mean, when I I'm, I'm not like much for going out either. I'm like I'm, I, I wake up super early, so my time is like 4 am to, you know, whatever, and so that's my time to, and so if I'm not on 100%, which alcohol would impact that? Because of the lack of good sleep. So actually it just freed up my time of like, where I really probably thrive more, so I wouldn't find it challenging. I mean maybe going out. I mean my wife drinks, you know, and I it doesn't bother me at all, and you know we go out and, um, you know that we have friends that drink too.

Speaker 7:

And it made me feel a little uncomfortable, I guess. At first of like you know, there was a lot of questions like why aren't you having a drink, or something. But now it's gotten to the point I mean we don't go out that much, but everybody knows what I I don't drink, so nobody really asks any questions of that anymore. But there's some uncomfortability where people feel like they have to justify or be like I wish I could do that too, and I'm like I'm not here to like push anything on you or judge. Like you have you, you do what you want to do, and if you come to that decision at some point, that's great for you, and if you don't, that's that's also fine.

Speaker 2:

But that was probably the most uncomfortable part was just like people having to like, feel like they had to justify themselves or why they're drinking in front of me and I'm like I don't care. Any follow ups to that Jody reaction. Amanda, looks like you guys want to say something.

Speaker 6:

I just think it's so true, like so many times throughout the years where I've been like, oh, I don't drink. Like people feel like they have to justify their drinking and they don't have to. Like you, do you? It's totally fine.

Speaker 2:

For sure, stephen. So in your early days, you're at 117 days, right, I think. Once I got to 120 or 130 days, I was like is this going to be a thing? There's no turning back. I feel like I don't want to take my winnings off the table, even at three years, right? So, steven, you're 117 days. In, Be honest with me, do you wrestle with it?

Speaker 4:

To be honest, I don't. Ever since I had my accident at work, I don't see myself looking back. I want to change my life, be there for my kids. I want to change my eating habits and everything. I don't rely on coming home and opening a beer until I go to bed just to relax. I do that with my kids now. I just watch TV and hang out with them. Don't look back.

Speaker 2:

You were able to put away some bush light, though, stephen we had talked about this in years past where you're like, hey, jay, I think I'm going to Tell me what my sobriety did. What did you view it as when you were justifying to me, saying, hey, I think I'm going to stop, or hey, jay, I'm drinking less? Remember what were the thoughts that went through your head then?

Speaker 4:

A lot of things that went through my head was it's not good to go through a 30 pack in three or four days, and I saw that, as I have a problem, I need to stop. I need to better myself, not just for me, but for my family. And ever since, like I said, I had my accident, I changed my life from there and, yeah, I'm never looking back.

Speaker 2:

To be clear everyone, it was not an alcohol incident. It was a work accident in which steven um suffered greatly. But this, you know, this comes out of tragedy. So, um, the follow-up question to this is with everyone is tammy. Where were you at when you decided that this is so? I know it was dry January, but at February 1st you're like what's up Distinctly.

Speaker 3:

I remember February 1st I was traveling with my then 18-year-old for a soccer week in Florida where all the soccer parents were a lot of fun. And on the plane my son said are you going to get lit with the parents? And I was like oh crap. And I was like, and that just hit me like way harder than I ever thought would. And I was like I don't think I want my kid to be thinking of me like that, and not that I had ever done that, just to be, you know. But there were plenty, plenty of soccer parents, whatever that had had those experiences when they had been traveling.

Speaker 3:

But you know, I was the only adult going to be with him. I felt like I needed to be the responsible one. I didn't need my teenager thinking that I was a party child, just you know. So that turned into no, I'm probably not going to drink today or tomorrow. And then pretty soon the whole week had gone by and then I'm like, oh crap, I went past dry January. Well, and you know I like a good challenge. So it just kept going and now I can't lose. So here I am.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love it, jodi, then Amanda, same questions, and I'm going to go through the Jody you stopped one day, cause what's crazy is I've done a podcast with you before where you had wine, and this was years ago, right, and you seem completely functional to me then you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

I drank a lot that night, just to be comfortable enough to be on camera with you.

Speaker 2:

So let's talk about that. Jodi just said she had to drink a lot to be on camera that night. You don't like these kind of things, do you Jodi? I mean, she doesn't like to speak in public, she doesn't like to be center of attention. But, jodi, 921 days sober, when did you know, when did you receive clarity that, like this, is what I'm going to do?

Speaker 1:

So I remember the night, the last night that I drank, my neighbor was over, um, their whole family was actually over, and her and I stayed upstairs and watched a movie. I don't know what we were watching, but I remember drinking that night, my husband and her husband and the kids were downstairs watching a different movie and I mean, it was nothing out of the ordinary to just drink, you know. And so the next, but for years I prayed every night for God to help me to quit drinking. Um which I don't tell people that, like my husband probably doesn't even know that I prayed for years to quit, like God. Why do I do this? You know?

Speaker 1:

And I wasn't like a crazy drunk, I was pretty happy drunk, you know, and it was just one of those things I would get home. I, when I work, I work super hard, and so I feel like maybe it was a reward, I don't know After a long productive day. It was just what. I did have a few drinks and my kids were super little at the time. It didn't affect my parenting, but I'm so glad that I stopped when I did, because now they don't see that, you know.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for sharing that. That's pretty deep.

Speaker 6:

Amanda, leah and then Scott, amanda same question 18 and a half years. Do you still remember? So I started my last drink, my last bender, on Christmas, on Christmas night, and it went for three days and I woke up in the hospital and ICU and I spent some time in ICU. My sobriety birthday is December 30th, but I still. When I got out, I had a DUI that I had gotten earlier that year. Actually, I had two that I'd gotten earlier that year. So I had a lot of stuff. I had almost died like all of this stuff.

Speaker 6:

And here I am out and I'm attending like 12 step meetings trying to figure out what is wrong. This is not the life I wanted, like I had so much going for me, but I still didn't know if I was going to stay sober forever. I didn't know, I just was scared. I was so scared of what life was like right then. And at some point throughout all of it, I realized that the sober life was what I wanted.

Speaker 6:

And I don't know when. I don't remember exactly when that switch happened, when it went from something I had to do to something I wanted. When it went from something I had to do to something I wanted, because for a long time it was like this I had to, like I was going to end up you know dying or something if I didn't. And now, like I don't know when, but at some point in the last number of years, it became something where it's like there's no other way, leah, kind of like what you were talking about, like it's not an option, like this is the way I live my life today and I wouldn't have it any other way To piggyback off.

Speaker 1:

Amanda, like you get scared, like I had friends that were just a few years older than me, that died from drinking, you know, and it was like, oh my God, like that could be me in a few years.

Speaker 2:

And it was like oh my God, that could be me in a few years. I mean, that's extreme right. So Leah same to you. When did you know? I mean, when did you know?

Speaker 5:

September 9th 2018. The night before I had gone to the Jocelyn Art Museum's Masquerade Ball and a girlfriend of mine we had gotten all dressed up formal gowns, masquerade. It was an amazing night, super fun, of course, double fisting. Right when we got there had to have a drink in each hand because the lines were long, so you had to, you know, get to every time you went up because you didn't want to have to wait. And you know, I've never said this publicly, so I hope if this person hears this, I can thank him personally. So throughout the night there was a gentleman that expressed interest and kind of brought my friend and me into his friend group and we were having a lot of fun. Nobody really could see each other with our masks on and nobody took them off. And so we were. We were just having a great time, but for their usual drink, way too much. Um, we decided to go to a bar after, and the next morning I woke up on the couch and the only thing that I could remember from the night before, um, I was in my own home. Like I didn't. I went home with my friend, but the one thing that I could remember from the night before I was in my own home. I went home with my friend, but the one thing that I could remember was seeing him standing in front of me but then walking away from me, and it was that moment that I realized I probably could have met a really nice man that night. But I was so embarrassing with my drinking that he didn't even want to be around me, didn't ask me for my number, didn't want to pursue or go on a date, and I really wish I could thank this person for what he did, for having standards that were higher than what I was putting out, and and because he totally changed my life by walking away and being like, even though, like in the moment, he probably was just wanting to get away from me. I don't think he knows what he actually did for me and I don't know why. That's the one thing I remembered.

Speaker 5:

But I was laying on my couch the next day feeling like an absolute train wreck because I felt so crappy, and that was when I had that thought of like my new year's Eve event was coming up for the first time and I said to myself if you want to take yourself seriously, or if you want people to take you serious. You've got to start taking yourself seriously. Um, I talked to a friend named Heath who was also had been sober for nine years and he said give it up for one year and if you, if your life is not predominantly better like eons, better than what you are living now then go back to drinking. But if it's not, keep going and he goes, it won't even take a year. Leah, just watch. And he was right. I mean, within six months, my business started going better, things started happening.

Speaker 5:

My, it was just like why would I give this up? This is amazing. I've been living in shadow life with this cloud over me, thinking I'm doing awesome but I wasn't. It was pathetic, really. And the sad part is is I have so many stories and embarrassment and just things that didn't click. But for whatever reason, that one gentleman walking away I mean my ex-husband I can share horrible stories of things I did while I was drinking that never seemed to affect anything. I didn't see. I couldn't see what, how I was affecting my family, my ex-husband, stuff like that. But for whatever it was, I don't know if it was just God intervening and just showing me like it's that bad girl, like you. You've got to give this up, and so that's really. That was my aha moment and I've, yeah, so I wish I could find that gentleman. So, if you're listening, sir, and you were at a masquerade in 2018, met some girl in a golden black dress like thank you for what you did for me, because it was a mysterious one.

Speaker 2:

A mysterious one, those parties I'm mentioning the party itself now, I'm kidding. So, scott, some questions for you.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, I wouldn't say there was really one thing or anything as profound. I mean, it was more of a dry January thing that my wife was going to do and I was like I just come off my second back surgery so I was drinking a lot just to kind of get rid of the pain a little bit. I was like, yeah, I'll do that. And you know, I saw you post up about like your sober journey and then some things that kind of reinforced it, listening to podcasts from Andrew Huberman about alcohol. I don't know how many times I listened to that, I don't know how many times I read Peter Atiyah's outlive and it just got kept on. I think things just kept stacking on of reinforcing the decisions I was making.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for sure the phrase sober curious, like there's on, of reinforcing the decisions I was making.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure. The phrase sober, curious, like there's it's, so it's totally different than I think I'm going to get sober Like that sounds like I have a problem If I'm super curious, you know, like I'm just going to feel this out and see what happens In my mind. It was just such a totally different phrase and like it wasn't a huge commitment.

Speaker 1:

It was just like I'm going to try this and see what happens, and if I, it's not a 30 day challenge, if I go one day or two days. And there was, I mean, I went like that for years, like I would go two days and then it was like ha, shitty day, I'm drinking tonight. Okay, then I would go seven days. Oh my God, I don't think I can go in eight, you know. And then the clock just start back over and yeah, the sober curious thing like that's really cool to me.

Speaker 2:

So so, steven, final uh, on that question that I want to talk about the word sober in a second and that's going to go around to everybody for 10 seconds or 15 seconds. Steven, what was your clarity moment where? Okay, you tried it. Then where did you feel like, or do you feel like like, is there a clarifying moment for you that this is a path I want to go?

Speaker 4:

Well, I feel like I have more energy energy. I do a lot more with the family. Now, I don't know. The water tastes amazing now. I love that yeah. I don't know, I just. I just feel better about myself. I can think clearly I can. If I to do something, I just get up and do it. I've been doing side jobs for you and Becky and stuff like that. Just try to relax, and I mean I like being motivated now. I have nothing holding me back.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love it. I love, see, I love the um, I love the innocence of the, the first part of the journey, and I love the energy and the motivation. And I think what everyone has to remember is that goes away over time. The motivation will go away. So I want to deal with the word sober for a second, because I still have a problem saying it. Okay, I just want to share this with all of you. This is my, this is my version, my perspective.

Speaker 2:

When people say, oh man, are you sober or you don't drink, I want to make sure in my mind I don't say I'm sober, because I feel like the word is defeatist. You were in trouble, you were thrown under the jail and you're now on parole. That's how I feel, right, and I know it shouldn't feel that way. But there are other people who've been sober their entire life, like I've never had a drink before and I'm like man. That's phenomenal. What do you guys think of the word sober now? Or what is your advice to someone, 15 seconds or less, of what the word sober means to you? Scott, go first.

Speaker 7:

Oh man, it's a good question. I don't know if I've thought about that before, but you're just not tied to anything. You're free to make your own decisions and to, I guess, chart your own path without anything holding you back. And so there's enough stuff holding us back in life, and so why add one more thing that's not really necessary?

Speaker 2:

I love that Tammy and then Jodi and Amanda Tammy go ahead.

Speaker 3:

I guess I don't use that word for myself either. I just think of it as I just don't drink and I see the stigma factor of it. So to me I didn't ever feel like I had a problem. I felt like I was probably trending that direction. So maybe I would use it if I felt like I needed to get sober.

Speaker 2:

but no, I love the feeling and we can't correct each other here. This is how we feel, Jody. I mean, do you say you're sober or do you say you quit drinking? Like what's what? When someone says, Jody, you're sober, what does that do for you?

Speaker 1:

First of all, it blows their mind. What does that do for you? First of all blows their mind. And then, second of all, um, I think I mean it's kind of a trend right now. Right, I feel like it has been for kind of the last year. Like talking to zach from lucky bucket, he's like, yeah, you and all your sober friends making my sales, you know, go down like sorry.

Speaker 1:

Um, so it is kind of trendy right now, which I mean alcohol is all around us, like you can't drive down the street and not see a billboard or a bar sign or it's. It's at the checkout counter everywhere you go, that little mini bar, it's everywhere and you don't notice that. I don't. I didn't notice it as much when I was drinking, but now that I don't drink, I'm like, oh my God, this stuff is just in your face all the time.

Speaker 1:

Um, and also, I think the word sober, generationally, is different. So I feel like my parents, um, to say, the word sober is like oh, you had a problem, you know which? After my year I had also just finished 75 hard, and so I made this long post about you know how great it feels and the benefits and all this stuff, and I remember feeling so proud of myself, but I know for sure my dad didn't say anything. Um, my mom might have said that she was proud of me, but that kind of like hurt, you know, because I was so proud and I had taken this huge step for myself and I wanted my parents to be proud of me and I know that they were but they didn't say anything and so that was kind of like because it was just a taboo subject in our household. My parents weren't big drinkers and to hear someone say that they were sober meant they had a problem, you know.

Speaker 2:

And so, um, we're going to go more into relationships and reactions here after, but I do, I do, like where you're going with that, um, amanda. So there, uh, don't drink, like what's the word? Do for you.

Speaker 6:

Um, uh, don't drink. Like what's the word do for you? Um, honestly, it brings me a lot of questions, like if other people say sober, like I want to know what do you mean by that, because different people have different um under like definitions of what that means. I don't know that I use that word. I think I typically just say I don't drink, but except for in your post, because you said you use the word, so that I use the word right, just following suit. But I don't know that I use it directly, but I don't think that there's any like any reason behind it. Like I just think I just typically say I don't drink.

Speaker 2:

Which is great, drink, which is great. And this is. Hearing all of you and your different perspectives is making my brain think, okay, well, maybe it is. And this is reinforcing what I'm thinking. Leah, tell me sober, don't drink, quit drinking.

Speaker 5:

I agree with Amanda, where it's just like now, my identity is I'm a non-drinker, I don't drink. That is who I am now. I think only God, and I know how far down the rabbit hole I went with this and the things that came of that. And so I kind of but secretly, I kind of wear it as a badge. If someone's like, oh, are you sober? Heck, yeah, I am. If you knew that hole I was in and the hole that I dug myself out of, hell, yeah, I'm sober, like, and I wear it almost like as a badge of honor but, at the same time.

Speaker 5:

It's that's almost between me and God, like I wouldn't put that out there to anybody else. I'm just it was a. It was a long crawl out of hell to get myself to where I am today and so, yeah, I feel very proud of it. I'm not ashamed anymore, but I had to go through the whole baptism thing to get rid of all of that shame and stuff. We can talk about that another time. But yeah, I just think I identify as a non-drinker now and I more or less see it as a slight badge of honor.

Speaker 2:

I love it. I love it. Steven. 117 days in right. Like what does 118 even look like? What are people?

Speaker 4:

thinking, you know I still feel like a newbie, but I haven't really done much where people would ask me for a beer or anything or whatnot. But yeah, I mean I feel free being sober.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, would you use the word if someone offered you a drink? A drink, do you say no, I'm sober. Or do you say no, I don't drink, like what is your first?

Speaker 4:

reaction whatever flows out of my mouth, probably either one yeah, yeah, no, that's, that's crazy.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you know, I want you guys to know, I've never discussed this with anybody, not, not, not a professional, not a counselor, not my friend, like I. I've never asked like, hey, jody, do you use the word sober? Like I. Really prepared for tonight's episode and here's what I want to tell you. Some of the preparation beverage alcohol volume the top 20 markets is two percent below pre pandemic 2019. So 2% less sales, um, with a one another 2% drop in 2024. Okay, um, specifically us beer volumes are down 3.5%, spirits are down 3% and wine is down 4%. So think of that. Right, in the global scheme of things, that's a lot of alcohol not being purchased.

Speaker 2:

And I can tell you now that I go places. And let me ask you this when you go to the restaurant this is a good question and you're going with someone who does drink right, or a significant other, or a friend does drink right, and, or a significant other or a friend, you know this part of you judge, and I want you to be honest with me, not judging on them, but judging the establishment for going. Ah, they pull out a whole menu and they showed you this whole list and they make it sound so amazing Like? What does it make you feel like when you see someone almost tricked or oh gosh, I guess this is normal for me to do, scott, what's your reaction when you see someone drink in the restaurant?

Speaker 7:

Yeah, I mean, I don't know it's, I would say something that is really interesting is like the non-alcoholic options or something. If you wanted to just have like an NA and it's like no, I just, I guess I'll just have water and it's fine, um, but it seems like more places I guess are are having more of those options. Um, but yeah, I mean I, I probably, I mean you know, you said, be honest. I mean, yeah, you, you kind of you can't help but judge a little bit, because mannerisms change over the course of however many drinks you have and and you pick up on all those little changes that happen um, people talking louder and just not, maybe you know, and all those little things that socially just become like a little bit more uncomfortable. So you're just kind of like you don't want to judge, but you just also like it's just, you can't help but like make those observations. Um, I don't know it's, uh, yeah, but it does seem like the restaurants obviously want you to have that and I still think there's something is can be special about two people sharing a drink together.

Speaker 7:

There's like it's like breaking bread, you know, and and having a meal together. My wife and I are going to Napa this weekend. I don't plan on drinking, but we're going to Napa for her 40th and so I hadn't put any pressure on myself if I wanted to have a drink out there and share a glass with her. I don't think I will because I don't really have any interest, but I do think there is something special about sharing something. It could be a meal or a drink with somebody. It doesn't have to be getting drunk, but there is something special about it I still think.

Speaker 2:

So then, tammy, to you next. So I'm just going to be, I'm going to say this right, like hey, it's an $80 meal or $140 bill, okay, and you, just you ate the same amount of stuff, but you had the floozy maloosy, that was like $30 and it comes out on fire and they serve it at your table Like, tammy, judging, not judging, be honest with me. Or like, what does that make you feel? Like?

Speaker 3:

Well, I'm just thankful that my bill is cheaper. I will admit that I do get judgy for the lack of NA things and those mocktails, bleh, that's just gross stuff, you know, there's just no. I don't even go there. But I try to explain that to my family. I'm not judging, I don't care if you want a drink. We're kind of at a half and half right now. My daughter quit at 22, about a year before, a year and a half before I did. She thinks I'm copying her.

Speaker 7:

Good hey, if you are, that's great.

Speaker 3:

It's just it's made that a little bit easier because then there's somebody else, you know, not drinking, and obviously I have a 19-year-old still, and so you know, we're kind of like three and three at this point. But yeah, I don't judge them and I try to say hey, and they don't care, they're going to drink if they want to drink anyways. But yeah, I'm just thankful that I don't make an ass of myself. I guess I love it.

Speaker 2:

So, jodi I mean Jodi, you're pretty outspoken right, like hey, you're out with a couple maybe you, david, and another couple or friends and then everyone on their side orders alcohol and they're like let's just split the bill, like no, you know what I mean? No, jody, what's your reaction?

Speaker 1:

what I mean. No, jodi, what's your reaction? Like you know, oh yeah, I don't judge other people that want to continue to drink. I mean that I did it for so many years that people are in different phases of their lives, like. So I don't judge at all. My husband barely drinks anymore. He never drank a lot anyway, um, but now, like, if we're out he doesn't drink at home ever. If we're out he might order. He always orders like big fruity drinks with umbrellas, and they used to always give him the whiskey and me the fruity drink and I was like, oh no, that he's big burly man, that fruity drink is his. I'll take the whiskey, thanks.

Speaker 2:

I mean that's, that's funny, because what we think right and the masculinity, the femininity, you know, the whole customary stuff and who gets what. I mean it's crazy. But you know again, leah, did I ask you Amanda? Did I ask you about judgy? Yeah, no, leah, tell me about you, then we'll go to Amanda. Leah, go ahead.

Speaker 5:

I don't think. I think culture, my frustration actually comes in culturally, that, like Jody was saying, it's, it's everywhere, it's you, it's so easily accessible. And the fact that now it's going to be in, you know, our stadium down in Lincoln and we've got you know, it's like we just keep, you know, pushing it in everyone's face. And I think I can. I have no problem going to a restaurant If somebody else at my table wants to order a glass of wine, by all means, like that's totally fine, but yeah, it's just a cultural thing that I'm. That's that part's exhausting me. Like at what point do we not call the damage that it does for what it actually does to families, to couples, to marriages, to children, to everything, and actually start having some real conversations that will invoke change? And I think I don't know. I think that's where my frustration comes in.

Speaker 1:

I think, too, to piggyback on that now that we rock, the amount of mini bottles that I see on the side of the road when I'm rocking is terrifying.

Speaker 3:

I was thinking that same thing.

Speaker 1:

Like fireball. Oh my God, People are drinking that for breakfast, lunch and dinner snacks.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, I noticed that every time I bike or run or not run, walk, I do not run, I bike and I walk. Anyway, I don't really judge other people, but I do make decisions based on people's habits and so, for example, like I, if I ever decide to date a guy and if we go out and he drinks a lot, um, I don't know that there's going to be another date because that's just not my lifestyle today, and so I want to make sure that I match with somebody, that our lifestyles will compliment each other. So I don't think it's judging, but it is making a decision based on behavioral observations.

Speaker 2:

There you go and let's just be firm with that. That is a decision that's not like, well, I hope he doesn't drink. That is a decision on my values are going to line up with this person and I'm not going to compromise. And Amanda, good, bad or indifferent. I wish people had clarity on what they wanted in life, because too many people were like, well, I don't like cigarette smoke, but they smoke every now and then, like why, you know like why. Or, oh, you know I don don't drink, but so-and-so likes to drink thursday night. You know like why. So that that's just a whole nother episode within itself. So steven with you any early reactions in the restaurant. You know when you and amanda go out. And you know, because I know she doesn't drink that much, does she? Or you know?

Speaker 4:

we don't really go out that much. We just basically run errands, that's it, and do stuff with the kids, like take them to the river and stuff. Yeah, I mean there's people out there drinking. I mean I'll be judging, because they leave their bottles.

Speaker 2:

It's the only thing I love it, though, because we see things different, and and the reason I ask you this is, you know, we all want to be perfect and we're like we don't judge or we judge and we don't. I just want to be real and raw, because there are people listening right now on. They might take a stab at this and they may not know. So the next question for all of you is and in 10 seconds, if you can 15 seconds, and 10 seconds, if you can 15 seconds what do you wish someone told you before you decided to go be sober? What did you wish someone told you? Like man, I wish I would have known about that. So I'll tell you what mine is, so no one can copy.

Speaker 2:

I didn't know that I was going to have to replace the time that I got back with something very meaningful, and what I mean by that is I hope that the next person who finds sobriety and clarity that early on is to replace their habit or their mindset with all the time they would have lost. That's what I hope, because I wasted still a lot of time. I was like, yeah, it's cool Sober, all right, I'm not drinking, okay, but I didn't start capitalizing until the last six months. You know what I mean. I probably was capitalizing, but my point is this I just know I have more time. Damn. I wish somebody would have told me that. Wish somebody would have told me that, scott, you first. Oh man.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, while you were saying that, I don't know, it was just such a quick transition for me and I hate saying that because it's not easy for everybody or most people I'm sure it really wasn't difficult for me. I'm a very habit-based person so, like I said, I wake up super early. It just made waking up really easy and so I saw immediate changes based on that and it just made my workouts easier. I don't know, I wasn't really surprised by that. I guess I don't really know what I wish somebody would have told me. Maybe I can think of an answer later. Just right off the bat, I just noticed my life changed right away. It wasn't difficult for me, I was lucky in that way and yeah.

Speaker 2:

Listen, we're all going to have different answers, Tammy than Jody. Tammy, what do you wish? Someone told you.

Speaker 3:

I feel like Scott as well, but I wish I would have realized that it was that much easier. Wish I would have realized that it was that much easier. I put off doing 75 hard because I was like, well, I don't want to give up alcohol for 75 days. And but once I did I was like, oh, so me and Jodi doing 75 hard in the spring was like, well, it's no big deal. I do most of these things anyways now, so that was helpful. But yeah, just that it was definitely a possibility for me without major change, except for all good things. You know the sleep, the getting up early, and then you know I I started meeting all of our 5 am crew. I was about six months in and I realized how many more people out there were on the same journey that I had already started.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome, jodi, then Amanda, jodi man, I wish you would have told me this Jay, hold on, you're on mute here, go ahead, ahead, you're good, uh, I don't know I mean I save a ton of money yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I wish someone would have told me how much money I would save according to my yeah, my app tells me um, but yeah, like you said, talking about replacing that time, I spent several months just eating ice cream every night, replacing that time, because I was like, well, I'm not drinking those calories, and now I could just eat these calories. And then, yeah, Okay, where the? 5 am rock club came in Andy.

Speaker 2:

That's awesome. Amanda, leah, then Stevenanda. Uh, what do you wish?

Speaker 6:

someone would have told you um, I think it is important to know, at least for me, with the core of addiction, that was, you know what, what led me to getting sober was that, um, stopping drinking was only the beginning of all the work that needed to be done to heal, because I've been running from things from from my childhood and so that was not gonna like. All of that stuff was still there and it took a lot to finally come to.

Speaker 2:

You know, come to terms and heal from that. I want to recognize, amanda, that your path might be different from a lot of ours on this, on this podcast, because I'm hearing a lot of the early on trauma and all the things that you went through and the addiction and the DUIs. And first of all, I want to recognize you for being very vulnerable and authentic.

Speaker 2:

to bring this out Because, again, it it reminds us that our path might have been easier. Right, it might have been different, but, um, people definitely need to hear the story from your angle or your perspective, because it's not all challenges, it's life, right, it's, it's in your face. There's no hey guys, we're gonna get a 30-day or a 90-day, like Amanda, it was a must for you, so I want to recognize that. So thank you for sharing. Yeah, absolutely, leah you. What do you wish?

Speaker 5:

someone told you I have two things because. Number one well, I was a vodka drinker, so it was like vodka and any other flavored lemonade that simply whatever came out with. I mean, we were mixing things like you would not believe and that was my thing. So I, the amount of sugar I was consuming was insane, um, and so I remember sitting there one day going, oh my God, I just want to eat like a whole box of Krispy Kreme, like, but I had no idea that that was related to me removing all that sugar, like it was just those massive sugar cravings. So that was crazy.

Speaker 5:

I had no idea that was a thing and I just wish somebody would have looked at, like you have no idea how good life can get. Like you truly have no idea the shackles that you are carrying. And now that I'm like seven years, like and I'm honestly like Steven, I'm so excited to talk to you in like another two years because, honestly for me, like that first, you know, six months, it was like okay, now it's a year. Now, like I'm seven years in and life just keeps getting better, like it truly just keeps like it keeps getting better. So I wish, I don't know, just keep going because it doesn't stop. Like you think it's like, okay, great, I quit drinking, like yeah, that was fun, and then it's going to maybe go back down. No, I mean, tragedies will happen in your life, but you can handle them so much better and you can move through them so much easier. So, like it just I don't know, life just keeps getting better.

Speaker 2:

I love it. I love it, steven you. What do you wish? Thank?

Speaker 1:

you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you sure did Crazy, Crazy.

Speaker 6:

I wanted to chime in.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, go ahead, amanda. Oh, I was going to say one more thing is that, um, you have to find something to to to help you with your boredom and your loneliness, because those two things can be huge when you first stop drinking. Like what are you going to do on a Friday night and you don't want to sit home all by yourself, and so finding something to do with somebody that can support your, your lifestyle, is so important.

Speaker 2:

That's so true, because where can I go without drinking tonight? I mean, that's a thing y'all, and I would avoid certain situations.

Speaker 1:

When I first quit, like I knew, going to Nebraska Brewing Company, I couldn't go, like the summer I was like, oh my God, what am I going to do when I can't have like a cold beer out on the deck after I cut the grass? Like that's what I did? How am I going to get through this, you know? And so then it was like buying the NA beers and having them available in case I felt like that's what I needed and then eventually, after a few months of not drinking them, it was like, okay, I'm over this and I'll have one now when we go to the brewing company. But now I can be in that situation and not feel like I want to be having that type of fun.

Speaker 2:

Okay, we're going to pepper this, okay. So I am. I am the bartender that can serve you any NA option in the world. You're at a wedding, you're at a dinner, you're at a bar, wherever, and I say, tammy, what do you have? What is it?

Speaker 3:

Probably a Blue Moon NA or a Mango Cart.

Speaker 2:

NA Mango Cart NA Okay, Jodi, how about you?

Speaker 1:

I would say probably the hop water from Nebraska.

Speaker 2:

Okay, steven.

Speaker 4:

Bushlight NA.

Speaker 2:

Bushlight NA. Okay, scott.

Speaker 7:

I've had Heineken Zero. That tastes pretty good.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 6:

That one's a good. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I'm going to disrupt the pattern. For me, it's a Coke Zero, it's like a guilty pleasure. For me, it's not even the any option. Like give me a Coke Zero, because here's why I would rather have a Coke Zero for $2.99 than have a mango hop cart for $13.60. You know what I'm saying. It sounds crazy to me, but I am like trying to rebel against the system. Now, leah, how about you?

Speaker 5:

I used to just do like a lemonade with a splash of cranberry. But now that I don't do any sugar now, it's just pretty much water.

Speaker 2:

Okay, water Amanda.

Speaker 6:

Okay, I was going to say like Diet Coke or Coke Zero or water is typical.

Speaker 2:

I swear to all of you like this is why? Because I used to go places with Becky and I used to see the oh, look at this. From Fum, fum Skimple with a Rumpelstiltskin. I'm like what is this? What is this? $18 NA thing?

Speaker 5:

right, I do drink those, though I love those, Tammy, that cracked me up. I have found some amazing mocktails in the weirdest places, and when I was doing sugar and I you know I was fine with that Like, oh my gosh, those things are freaking good.

Speaker 2:

Guys, I would rather have the lemons in my eyes than have those.

Speaker 7:

When I, when I quit drinking actually, I quit drinking pop too. So I haven't had a pop actually, and that was harder to quit was drinking pop. So so I quit drinking alcohol in January and then within like two weeks, I had like maybe three Coca-Cola's, because I would have one Coca-Cola a day. That was like my thing and I'd get headaches from not drinking Coke, and so it was harder for me to quit drinking pop.

Speaker 5:

But after that, three weeks I haven't had a pop since, yeah, I haven't had a pop in since 2021 yeah, nine years for me or caffeine or alcohol, oh no, caffeine.

Speaker 7:

I definitely do caffeine now.

Speaker 2:

I just make sugar, so it's a list down there's three more questions here and then we're going to wrap up and these are got to be rapid fires, as much as you can, okay. So, tammy, what did you feel that you're most afraid of losing when you quit, or what did you, was it, you know, social rejection, loss of identity, fun, like? What did you feel most afraid of now that you are not going to have alcohol even tomorrow? What are you most afraid of?

Speaker 3:

Oh, I guess I thought I wasn't going to have as much fun with. It was more family settings. I work so much that I'm not going to go out too much. I mean my fun is 5 am with my rock club and then standing behind my chair for 12 hours. So no, I guess I was worried that probably my kids would be rejecting of you know hanging with us. But you know, no, everybody still loves me, I think.

Speaker 2:

Well, I'm there. So I mean that's important for someone who's listening right now. Someone's listening right now, going like God I don't want my friends to change. I don't want my, I don't want to. You know, whatever it is, it's going to change. Jodi, what were you most afraid of losing when you quit? Was it comfortability? You know, was it like, oh gosh, before I get in front of this group, I got to take one back, like what is?

Speaker 1:

it? Yeah, probably fun. And I mean, you know, I don't like crowds, I don't like being the center of attention. So a lot of times, like before we would go to dinner, I would have a drink just to calm down before we would go into a restaurant and then we would drink at the restaurant and then we would come home and I would come home and drink some more, and so I think the fun of like, oh my God, that's going to be so boring, um, so yeah, just not putting myself in those situations until I knew I was strong enough to be able to go and have fun. Now I have a great time when I go out.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so, steven. How about you? What did you think you were going to miss? Or what are you sometimes missing most? Now, what are you afraid of losing?

Speaker 4:

well, honestly, I don't know. I don't really have an answer to that question. I mean, everybody's been so supportive about it.

Speaker 7:

Good.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that's important and everyone's different. You know, I remember some of my friends like what's wrong with you? Did you get in trouble? Are you in debt? Like what Did you say in debt? What did you say in debt? Like what did you get arrested, scott? What do you? What do you fear missing or losing?

Speaker 7:

you know, yeah, so I mean, like I just, I mean I said a few minutes ago we're going to napa, my wife's 40th uh, we've had this plan for, I mean she. We had planned on going when she turned 30 and she was pregnant, so we decided to push off to 40. So I mean I'm nervous, not that I'm going to like drink or not drink, it's more that I'm not going to. I'm going to be too worried about, like, wanting to please or like, you know, letting her down or, you know, letting the experience down. Now, maybe not letting her down because she's very supportive, but letting the experience down, and because we're going to this special place, obviously known for its vineyards, and we're doing wine tasting you know where she will and we're going to the vineyards and everything. So I mean, right now I have nerves of going, and not of because I'm going to have a drink, it's just that, yeah, I'll miss out on an experience.

Speaker 2:

So here's what I can tell you. Scott and I just went to Kentucky last year and the bourbon trail right Like you like your bourbon, where you did.

Speaker 2:

I still buy it, right, I still buy bourbon. I have 200 bottles, I don't know why. That's a whole other podcast. But, scott, I want to assure you of one thing you can make the experience elevated for her by enjoying watching her, telling her how special she is, how special the moment is. You don't have to apologize about not drinking. You don't have to say sorry, babe, I'm not. You just need to tell her, describe it to me, you know. Like hey, tell me. You know, and, and I'm telling you, scott, part of me felt like that when Becky was sampling, we went to three different distilleries these are bucket list items, right, I felt so out of place there.

Speaker 2:

Everybody was like oh, oh. And the guy said hey, at Angel's Envy, I'll never forget this. He's like hey, buddy, are you not drinking? He said it so quiet he goes. Hey, buddy, are you not drinking? I said no, not drinking, he goes. He moved the glasses aside and he brought me more chocolate. Mean, that was an ultimate flex, like he saw that. And he wasn't like well, well, buddy, what are you doing here? Like it's in your head. It's in your head and people, however people, react. You won't be able to control, but what you can control is how you guide and experience it with your wife her joy, her happiness, right, and it's going to be incredible, yeah.

Speaker 7:

I'm excited too, but, yeah, also nervous.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely Fair. I'm glad you said that, amanda.

Speaker 6:

Okay, I'm going to get vulnerable. I think what I still am, to this day, like scared about is like meeting like I'm I'm, I'm single. I'm not dating right now, but the day that I decide to date again is is finding somebody that aligns with my lifestyle. Like, as you get older, the dating pool gets less appealing, so it's hard. Anyway, you know and I'm not like trying to be like weird or anything, it's just true, like it's like man, am I going to be able to find somebody that that appreciates and that lives a similar lifestyle? That's not, you know, inundated what's that I said?

Speaker 5:

the answer is yes, um, and I could. I'm going to calm that fear for you, girl, because I'll tell you I went on plenty of dates where it was like, oh, I'm just going to have a lemonade with a splash of cream. Are you sure you don't want vodka in that? No, thank you. Like I'm good, but I will tell you, the men that I have dated have actually, they love that about me. They love that they could take me to their company parties and I don't humiliate them, or that when I go to meet their friends, like I'm a good representation of who they are as people Like, and now I get more compliments on that than I ever did when I was drinking.

Speaker 5:

So, sorry to interrupt you, but I promise you God will bring that person to you and and it will he will love that about you and it will be something of value that you bring to the table. That other girls that are out partying, you know, and not doing that. That they, you know. Table that other girls that are out partying, you know, and not doing that that they, you know you'll find him, I promise.

Speaker 2:

I love that. I love this little community of seven people right now. No, I mean here's. Here's what I'll tell you all is. This is I. I'm doing this selfishly. You know, I'm launching a movement for sober people here in Nebraska and that's what this first whole sober I mean seriously.

Speaker 2:

And here's why, guys, I still feel socially awkward when I walk into a situation and they have drinks. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't affect me. It affects me and it doesn't make me go. Oh God, I just want one. It makes me feel like, okay, I'm going to get ready to explain that I don't. I still have that posture. Are they going to accept me? Oh my God, here goes this gal, she's all drunk. Here goes this guy, he's all lit up. I have to still go into my head with that. I'm sure I'll get over it. But you have to know this I grew up a DJ in a nightclub.

Speaker 2:

I saw everything. I saw people steal, lie in sheep for a drink. I saw drinks in people's laps as they were driving. And, secretly, I want to be pulled over by a cop right now and I want him to say so when's the last time you had a drink? I want to be like three years ago sucker, I can't wait. But guess what? The police aren't coming for me. I haven't been pulled over in such a long time. Not that I want to, but I'm almost proud to say officer, I don't drink. But I'll blow on the little whistle thing right now. Whatever that thing is right, like whatever, let's jump to it. I'm not doing the ABCs, I want the breathalyzer right now. That's what I want to do and it's such a freeing, it's so freeing. So let me ask the next question here. This is crazy Isolation or changing of your friends? 15 seconds, tammy. Have your friends or the people you hung around changed?

Speaker 3:

Yes, but not completely. I do have like. At work I had a girlfriend that we would typically like end of the day one night a week when she was there. We like shots, you know, and we do a butterscotch shot. Not that it was anything exciting, but I do like butterscotch. So I'll just replace that with some chips. But you know, she was upset at first like you're kidding me, oh my God, what are we going to do, you know? And then it became I you're kidding me, oh my God, what are we going to do, you know? And then it became I am so proud of you. And now I can see over time that she's tamed it down and I feel like she's probably decided that kind of in similar like okay, maybe this is getting too much and maybe I'm going to, you know, and I can see a difference in her completely and so. And my other girlfriends, you know, are like eh, good for you. Uh, one's allergic to everything, so she didn't drink half the time anyways, and so that's crazy.

Speaker 2:

No, I appreciate that. Um, Jodi, I'm going to go to you. How about you?

Speaker 1:

the East coast and she still drinks. So when I go see her, you know she, she can't believe that. We used to finish bottles of whiskey in Korea because we didn't feel like carrying it to the next country and we're like, well, we'll just finish it tonight, we'll make it through the meal tomorrow, it'll be fine. Um, so yeah, she still can't believe it. But so, yeah, my friend group has just changed and I'm my authentic self. It's a new world around.

Speaker 2:

I love it. I love it, amanda, and then Scott, amanda, scott, then Leah Amanda.

Speaker 6:

Yes, my friend group is entirely different. But I will say it's been 18 and a half years and I've lived in multiple different cities, so there's other contributing factors too. But when I first got sober, yeah, I literally had to cut off everybody because I was afraid. I was afraid if I would be with them, if I would drink or not drink, so I just made a hard, fast cut.

Speaker 2:

That's fair and that's probably some of the best advice for people who really want to. You will listen to your friends more than you will the clinician or a doctor or somebody, and and you, your surroundings, will influence you more than a, a program or or what have you. So I think I think that's important. Now, I'm not saying that's the prescription or the remedy for everyone, but I'm saying that is a factor that plays into sobriety or not. So, scott, how about you? Did your friend circle change or did your things change?

Speaker 7:

I don't really have a friend circle so much. I mean not in a sad way at all. So if anybody listened to this and knows me, they would know that I don't really have friends, other than the people I run with. And that's the people, and the people I run with are. I could count them on one hand and we never really drank together. So my, my social circle consists of wherever my wife takes me, which is then her friends. But so nothing's really changed.

Speaker 2:

Hey, I appreciate that, Like I love this, I love all aspects of life. Leah, stephen, leah, go ahead.

Speaker 5:

Uh, I still have the same friends I did from childhood. They kind of watched me go through the train wreck years and then they've been super proud of me, you know, but again, kind of like Amanda said, like I don't hang out in a bar, I don't. I have so many other fun things to go do and I'm probably a workaholic, so, you know, just with my business. So no, if anything, I've just met more and more people and I remember their names the next day. That's even better. So it's, I don't know, I don't feel that.

Speaker 2:

I that's. You know again, everyone has a different perspective and it's crazy because to be in that same arena, like I was saying, with your industry, right, I mean the, the immersion of where your temptation is still there, whether you're tempted or not, but your environment has not changed. You know what I mean and I say that to you to be that's, you'll have to be strong for that to have to happen. I'm not saying stronger than all of us or any one of us. I'm saying to be in that environment where it hasn't changed, where that still social lubrication is out there, right like it's out there, and and some people can't handle that. You know what I mean. Some people choose to avoid that, but good for you for being able to handle that. Steven, anything change. I know you had buds hanging out every now and then you had friends from work.

Speaker 5:

Oh, I think he's muted.

Speaker 2:

Go ahead, steven. Yeah, yeah, yep, yep, got it. I think your cricket phone is struggling a little bit. Your flip phone there. No, it's all good, all right, this is parting shots. Okay, so two parts. It's all good, all right, this is parting shots. Okay, so two parts.

Speaker 2:

I want you to say here's my advice. I want to limit it to one night a week. I think I want to stop drinking in front of my kids, whatever it is. I applaud and commend everyone for even just wanting to limit it, because they can't all be like you, you and you and you. So a little bit of advice and what's better in your life.

Speaker 2:

So if it was me, I'm going to give the first example. A little bit advice is have a, have a place, have people that that you respect and admire, or or that that are available to you to talk through this, because you'll take it, I, I will take advice from them faster than I take advice from anybody else. I can say to all of you here, like I admire all of you, right, I know all of you on varying degrees, but if, if I can be honest, I am, I am more. I'm better for having this hour and 15 minute session, because it is validating me. So what's better for me? I've been able to have clear visions and clear thoughts and clear I've been able to create more things than I've ever been able to create before.

Speaker 2:

And I thought alcohol was my creativity drug. I thought it was my drug of man. This is going to make me really loose and come up with ideas where it was just inhibiting me. So, tammy, I'll let you go. First, tammy, a little bit of advice, and then what's better, and then we'll wrap it up little bit of advice and then what's better, and then we'll wrap it up.

Speaker 3:

I would say my, my biggest advice is make make it a little challenge for yourself. That's how I roll. I need something, a goal to achieve, and set it to where you don't think you're going to fail. And then when you, where you don't think you're going to fail, and then when you you hit your goal, then go a little longer. A little longer, and if you set yourself up for success, you're much better chance of getting through to the other side.

Speaker 2:

I guess, for lack of a better term, but yeah, it doesn't have to be forever, it could be for one day. No, yeah, yeah, I like that. And what's better for you, tammy? What's?

Speaker 3:

what's better?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, what's better?

Speaker 3:

I'm just proud of myself. I guess I feel better. And, you know, if I can, if I can inspire one other person, even if it's not from this, it's something else. I mean, I'm fortunate to have a lot of people who follow what I do and, you know, are nice to me, complimentary to me or whatever. That just pushes me to continue on my journey and my journey's for myself. But it is nice to be to hear good job or, you know, I'm proud of you or whatever it is, you know, happy things.

Speaker 2:

No, I love that for sure. Uh lost track. Uh did I ask Jody, yet Jody, did I ask you yet.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so my advice would be things that Jay says to me all the time just start, um, and then don't overthink it, like that's what I did for too many years. You know, like I said, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed every night Like why? But then the next day I would just be in my own head and I would make up an excuse like, oh, I'm just going to have a drink tonight, I'll start this tomorrow, and so just start. And, like Tammy said, then challenge yourself, go another day, go another day. And then, once you get enough days built up, you're like oh, I'm not ruining this now. It's too hard to start back over again. Um, true.

Speaker 1:

Then what was the other question? What's?

Speaker 2:

what's good now. What's good Like what is.

Speaker 1:

Oh, for me, I think I think a lot of it too was my kids were little, when I I mean I drank before I had kids, but then I continued drinking because we weren't in so many activities. And now I mean I'm running every night and I'm like I can't imagine like still having a drinking problem and my kids having to go all these places. A like would I be making poor decisions and being like I think I'm okay to drive them to karate, or would my husband be driving them everywhere?

Speaker 1:

I don't know, and so now I don't even have to like. It's like you know, we go to all the things and I watched the other parents drink in the parking lot at softball games and I'm like, yeah, here's my iced coffee or my diet Coke, or so I love it.

Speaker 2:

I love it. Um, Amanda, tell me.

Speaker 6:

Um, I think my advice is you don't have to wait until it gets really bad, uh, to stop drinking, um, you don't have to wait until you have the multiple DUIs or you're in the hospital. If you're questioning it, then reach out to somebody. If you're watching this podcast, reach out to Jay. Reach out to somebody and start asking questions, because having that person to talk to as you get started makes a world of difference. Not doing it alone. And what's better, literally everything. I you know it's such a good life. I can't blame alcohol or drugs, for that matter, on anything, so I have to take responsibility for all my stupid decisions, but that means I get to learn from them, um, and it's a really, really good way to live life.

Speaker 2:

Awesome, awesome. So anything additional to add what's really good now, amanda, in your life. What's really good?

Speaker 6:

Um, I mean, it's so good. I I love being a mom. Um, it's, it'm back in school to be a counselor and it's almost like it's all come full circle and if I didn't have the experiences that I had before, I wouldn't have this now and I'm living in my purpose and that's what's good. I can be proud of who I am today.

Speaker 2:

For sure. I mean when I hear the word you go through what you grow through, like I see you, I see you and you can tell someone and sit across from them and say, listen here, bill, don't tell me I don't know. Right, like, don't tell me, I don't know. And then you say, bill, I'm going to add $30 onto this session or 30 minutes onto the session, whatever, but you need to hear my story. So, thank you, it is full circle. It is full circle, thank you. Thank you so much, leah.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I'm just going to pass. I think what Heath said to me about give it one year, just do a test run, right, like see for yourself and if it's not, if your life's not predominantly better than it is, then go back to drinking. But once again, I think once people start, it's like it's so good with that, like you want to tell everybody I can't tell people because then they get frustrated or like, oh, you think you're so? No, I don't, it's just so good without it. Like, just try it, like just give it a try, give it, give it a dry run for a month, a year, and you'll just you'll be shocked.

Speaker 5:

And I think, yeah, and obviously, if you can't tell, like I just I don't know, I love life and it's just it's remembering all the things and not really remembering how it was or how you got home, or you know, like there, oh Jay, there was so much of that. I can't tell you guys how many concerts I should have just bought the ticket or not bought the ticket and sat in the car and just listened to my radio in my garage because I couldn't remember the concert.

Speaker 5:

I think that's a subscriber.

Speaker 2:

That's a behind the scenes subscribers podcast Patreon.

Speaker 7:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's for private subscribers, Just thank you, I love it. No, no, I can tell you love life, scott, you're, you're the last year advice. And then what's good?

Speaker 7:

Yeah, yeah, so I am in. This comes down to, like my running, what everything I do. I'm very process oriented but I worry about like I try I not try not to think about the big picture. I just think about the next step, frozen, take the next step or something. The next step, frozen, take the next step, or something.

Speaker 7:

And so, like when I would get into my routine years ago, all I would do, like, say, at nighttime I would set out my clothes. Those clothes didn't mean anything, it was just I was setting up my clothes. I would set my alarm. That alarm didn't mean anything, it was just an alarm I was setting. When the alarm got off, I just shut it off and got up without the expectation of anything.

Speaker 7:

So I never thought too far ahead of anything. It was just do that next thing and Don't think too far ahead because it'll seem overwhelming. So I think the same thing can be said about if you're thinking about not drinking. Don't try to think too far. And some people are going to think differently, like the year that worked for Leah, and you know there's going to be different people. That's that's going to be maybe overwhelming for them. Like, oh my gosh, how am I going to do a year Just make the right decision when, like, I would get home, instead of grabbing a beer out of the fridge, I would just grab a LaCroix, and or I would just go inside and say hello to my kids. And so you just do the next right thing, um, and you stack those on top of each other and, before you know it, you you've created habits and you don't really think about it then scott you writing a book.

Speaker 2:

The next right thing that's a book. My friend that's a book?

Speaker 7:

yeah, oh gosh I. That's a book, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Oh gosh, you know, I wish I had shirts that say bougie, not boozy, like those are really good right, that would catch fire. Black shirt it says bougie, not boozy. Would you not hear that if I had one of those? Oh, yeah, maybe hats, maybe hats.

Speaker 2:

Well, I just want to say all of all of you, um, I don't take this for granted. Uh, the insight that you gave me on my journey of sobriety is, um, pretty awesome. You don't get this perspective. And to line all of you up on a particular day, sacrificing your time away from family on a Sunday night, I'm grateful, but my life is better because I've had this conversation with all of you. So, with that being said, everyone will have their contact information on the bottom here. You can reach them out on social media, these people, but you know, at the end of the day, they have given you a real look inside their lives. Please share, subscribe or like, and I thank all of you for making a difference for one more day. Appreciate you guys. Thank you, jay.

Speaker 8:

Thanks for tuning in to the Connection. It's been a fantastic journey, exploring stories, insights and inspirations that bridge our lives. Remember every connection has the power to transform. Please subscribe, rate and review. Your feedback keeps us going In this connected world. Let's make meaningful connections that enrich lives. Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep connecting and let's go.