DeDee Oliver: Real Estate, Real Life

The power of genuine connection threads through this conversation between longtime friends Jay Miralles and DeDee Oliver, who reconnect after nearly three decades to share insights that span professional wisdom and deeply personal memories.

DeDee opens up about her remarkable 27-year journey in real estate, revealing how the industry transformed from three-ring binders with listings and paper maps to today's digital landscape. Her success secret? Blending traditional relationship-building practices with modern technology. "The heart of my business is built on referrals," she shares, describing how she's helped multiple generations of families find homes. This philosophy of authentic connection has sustained her career while many others came and went.

The conversation takes a powerful turn when DeDee shares the story of her father, Marvin Edward Park, who was killed in action during Vietnam when she was just 13 months old. Though she has no personal memories of him, her father's presence has been kept alive through family stories and a precious book created by his war buddies containing photographs and accounts from his service. "How do you miss something that you never knew? But you do," DeDee reflects, in a moment that speaks to the universal experience of loss and remembrance.

Jay announces he'll be honoring Marvin during the upcoming 50 Mile March, carrying his photo and sharing his story. Their exchange reveals how listening to others' experiences—really listening, not just hearing—creates meaningful bonds that enrich our lives. As Jay notes, "We've lost the art of connection, and as I get older, that gets more and more important." Whether you're building business relationships or preserving family legacies, this episode reminds us that genuine connection remains our most valuable resource.

Pictures for Reference of Marvin E Park

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Chapters

• 0:30 Reconnecting After 29 Years
• 1:40 Real Estate Career Spanning Decades
• 5:26 From Paper Maps to Digital Listings
• 10:42 Blending Old School and New Methods
• 24:36 Introduction to the 50 Mile March
• 27:15 Marvin Edward Park's Memory
• 38:16 The Book of Vietnam Memories
• 46:21 The Power of Listening and Connection

Transcript

Opener: 0:11

connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the world, creating more connections. Welcome to the connection. Meet your host. Author, coach. Air coach, air Force veteran Jay Morales.

Jay: 0:30

I am joined by my friend, Dedee Oliver today and I'm so excited because DeDee and I met 29 years ago-ish. Oh, at least, at least. Yeah, and my hair was black. It was, it was very black, and I was really cool back then, but anyway, so, didi, let's just jump right into it. So you got back from England, right, was that England? Yes, and I remember our friend. How did we connect? Was that right? And she introduced us and take it from there.

DeDee: 1:05

How old were we? I was like 21, 22. I think we were a little older than that Really, because I had Cale and Kylie.

Jay: 1:10

Yes, yes, yes and.

DeDee: 1:11

I had them, so we were later 20s. I think we were 26, 27.

Jay: 1:16

Yeah, okay, could be. Gosh, my lines are blurred, but it was a long time ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah, and Didi and I have been friends. We've kept in contact. Every now and then We've randomly run into each other, but as a profession, we have run into each other even more in real estate. So, didi, tell everyone now what you are doing currently and how long you've been a realtor.

DeDee: 1:40

Yes, Currently I am an associate broker at PJ Morgan. I have been in real estate since 1990.

Jay: 1:48

That's a long time.

DeDee: 1:50

Yeah, yes, yeah, so just a career that I have loved, and it gives you the flexibility and the freedom to be an on-hands mom and never miss a kid's event, be able to be home during vacation and sick days, and so I love it.

Jay: 2:03

And I've watched you grow. I mean, I remember when we lost contact for a while and then you popped up back on the radar as a realtor. I was like she's a realtor. This is so cool, you know. And just talking amongst our friends, you know, when we weren't talking, how they've either used your services or they used you as their agent or you've given them advice. And it was almost surreal to me because, like I said, when we met we were barely, we were just older kids, and life has a way of taking everyone to their own path but also reconnecting with everybody.

Jay: 2:38

So let's talk about that. You as a realtor, you talked about the flexibility and a little bit about raising family. I get that, but how have you been involved? So since 98, that makes it how many years now? 27. Think about that. For a second right, most realtors don't last but two to four years, right? They figure they'll try it, they'll get on Instagram, they'll sell a house one time and then it's hard. Yeah, 27 years. So what all things have you done in your 27 years? Some of the? Have you ever served on a committee? Have you served it on a board or anything like that?

DeDee: 3:09

Well, Jay, when I started, we didn't have the MLS.

Jay: 3:13

Right Pictures? I mean right Were they? Were they pictures in a book where you used to go to people's offices, right?

DeDee: 3:18

We would have a three ring binder very similar to this, with all of your office listings in it, and you would hang your listings on your door or in your window so people could see what you had, and we did like agent tours to see all the new listings online, because there was no online database.

Jay: 3:36

Oh my God, I just thought about that because you're right, it was literally. And then the keys were in.

DeDee: 3:42

Well, we had like a little key that just opened every single lockbox, with no like electronic tracking or any of that sort of stuff. We faxed offers back and forth or I would call and say, hey, jay, I got an offer for you on your property. Where are you? And you'd be like I'm at dinner and I'm like, ok, I'm on my way, and I would hand you a physical and then you would have to go to your client's house, yes, and then you would have to call me and get it. I mean, it was like a whole thing.

Jay: 4:08

Yeah, I mean, I just thought about that 27 years ago and then you know you were either like you said there was no electronic signatures or anything like that, there was no dot loop, there was no, there was no GPS. That you know what. That probably held me from going in earlier because I get lost with directions. But think about this you had to know Omaha 27 years ago, or the area, or Iowa.

DeDee: 4:35

And we had maps in our car. I mean, we had literal, you know the kind that like hold 12 times and you pull yes, get out of here.

Jay: 4:42

And then I'm sure after a while you became very acclimated to hey Dodge separates. I still don't know that system. I still don't know. Oh, jay, it's north of whatever. I'm like just give me the address. It means nothing. People say do you need directions?

DeDee: 4:57

I'm like no, just give me the coordinates, tell me, turn north.

Jay: 5:00

I don't know, is it past McDonald's or not?

DeDee: 5:04

Right or left, it's pretty good.

Jay: 5:06

You know, when they say on the southwestern corner of so-and-so, I'm like what? Just say it in plain English. So what are some of the things that you want people to know about that time versus now? Or what are some of the things that have helped you now, because you grew up in the school of hard knocks?

DeDee: 5:26

You know I did and you learn. I mean just the consistency and the tenacity to continue to. You know I've learned a lot in the last few years. As you know, my kids are now in real estate, which I love it Very amazing. And you know I wasn't super into the social media thing or AI or any of the things, and they've really taught me that that stuff is important too. Yes, but I've been able to teach them that the old school stuff.

Jay: 5:59

I think that compliments your team, because you got a lot of people who are all social media. Your team because you got a lot of people who are all social media. No follow-up on client parties or handwritten notes, phone calls, client appreciation events, things of that nature. It's all Instagram, right, but you're right. Yeah, how have they incorporated some of that into their business?

DeDee: 6:18

I think it's kind of a coming together right. Both of them are super important. Building a business on Facebook, instagram, tiktok, all of those things is much faster than what we did back in the day. You can only sit in so many open houses, you can only do so much, but now all of the things that they do with the follow-up that I've taught them, that's important is really building a strong business for them.

Jay: 6:42

It's a client retention strategy because it's really easy to transact. One time meet someone on Zillow, be like all right, dave and Karen, thank you so much. You give a hug, you give a box of presents and then you never contact them again.

DeDee: 6:57

Right, and then they use somebody else when they go to sell that house that they never referred.

Jay: 7:01

Yes, and it's more than just putting a magnet on the fridge right. And yes, and it's more than just putting a magnet on the fridge right and the heart of my business, Jay, is built on referrals. I can only imagine Multi-generation.

DeDee: 7:10

Multi. Yes, I have a client that comes to mind that we've done three transactions and I've done transactions with their kids.

Jay: 7:17

Oh, yes, that's when you know the kids that were little, little little in our first transaction.

Jay: 7:23

I bet you get calls like hey, I know you don't know me, but you helped my sister or my cousin, or they told me to call you and those are blessings because maybe you may not have spoken with that client or had direct contact. You sent them notes, you sent them, you know emails or you sent them newsletters. But there's some clients that really just they don't interact. But when they send you a referral from their family member oh hey, daryl sent me, like what you know? Those are the best blessings that I think we're getting in this industry. With all the technology and all the reports and all the data, that's cool and everything, but the data doesn't talk about relationships.

DeDee: 8:01

There's no way you can measure that right, right, and it is a relationship business. If you want to make real estate easier, build the relationships, I agree, because they'll start to come back around in three years or five years and then you're not spending money on leads that maybe don't turn into anything. Right, it's a hundred percent relationship and you've got to have good relationships.

Jay: 8:23

Plus, wouldn't you say that person, even you know that you've, that you've helped guide three times. They know you, they trust you. There's no fight. It's all about like Didi helped me, she steered me right once, twice, three times. But if you don't keep in contact with them, if you don't make yourself known to them, if you don't stay relevant is what I call it right. And staying relevant doesn't mean saying, hey, daryl, I just want to give you a CMA. No, it's hey, your kids are graduating college now, or graduating high school, or they're entering grade school. Those are all milestones I think people miss. But I think, if you, no, I'm not going to turn down a sign call.

Jay: 9:05

No, absolutely not, but if my client calls me and says Jay, we need your help again, that conversation is just so much more pleasant.

DeDee: 9:15

For everybody. There's no tension, there's no fight.

Opener: 9:19

Right. Suggestions are only one time.

DeDee: 9:22

And the referrals they give you aren't hard either, because they're referring people that know and trust and love them. So it's so important and I think some agents miss the mark on that.

Jay: 9:35

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I can tell you. I think you know my first few years I was just happy to have a client right. And as time has gone by, becky has been doing this for 14 years. My wife has been doing this for 14 years and maybe longer. But I see the multi-generational, I see the kids, kids buying, and I see the people that she has built a long standing relationship with. They're pleasant, they are cordial and they are like yes, we trust you, without saying that, you know. Plus, think of all the time you lose when you have to convince somebody and you're like, hey, vinny, this is not the right way to do it, oh well. Or hey, mary, you know, this is not the house for you. We love this house, you know. It's all the little things we don't think about.

Opener: 10:18

Yeah.

Jay: 10:20

What do you think about real estate in general? Like next five years, you know? I mean, you've been doing it for 27. Next five years, you hear realtors have different opinions like, oh my God, the sky is falling. Or hey, this is going to be an amazing market. Like I don't pay attention to any one person. What do you think? What does DeeDee Oliver think?

DeDee: 10:46

Like okay, what is in it for DeeDee for the next five years, or realtors in general?

DeDee: 10:48

in Nebraska and I really don't pay a lot of attention to some of the doom and gloom forecasts that are out there for real estate, because it will send you on a cycle of just thinking you're defeated before you're. People are always going to buy and sell real estate. They have to, and we live in a military community where that's even more prevalent than other places. So there's always going to be people who have to sell for some reason, right, and you just need to be the person that's in front of them. That's true right.

DeDee: 11:14

And if you don't worry about all of the other things, or interest rates going up or down, are we going to hit a recession? Are we going to do this? I mean, I lived through that 2008, you know, and it wasn't a horrible year for me, but everyone in my office was talking about the doom and gloom and there's not going to be any houses and all of the things. We sold a ton, but we had to shift our focus to the foreclosures. So it's knowing kind of what's coming up and we don't have those now, right, true?

Jay: 11:44

True, we don't.

DeDee: 11:45

So, but people are still buying and selling. I have first-time home buyers that are fighting for homes still.

Jay: 11:50

Yes, yes.

DeDee: 11:51

And then I have those in the $400,000 range listings that are. They're taking a little bit more time right now.

Jay: 11:57

And that's okay, right, but, like you said, there are people I call them hype heads which you know. I hope they don't know who they are, but I call them hype heads. They, oh my God, jay, did you see what just happened? We just dropped a quarter point. Your phone's going to be busy. I don't pay attention to the noise, I don't pay attention to the opinions, you know. Am I planning for a good pipeline? Absolutely. Am I serving? Am I staying in touch? But I can't sit there for four hours and go. I hope so-and-so.

Jay: 12:30

Hope is not a strategy, and the realtors that you hang out with, too, are important. So, over 27 years, there's realtors that you've got to know really, really well and realtors that you wish would do a little bit better. Right, it's funny to me that there's a community in Omaha that really of realtors that really know how to reach out. They really know how to connect. Being on the other side of the table, it's not about them. You know what I mean, and I've seen plenty of great agents. Give me some advice for an agent on the other side of the transaction that is just making it difficult, and and maybe what advice you'd give somebody. I know that's a hard question, but you know what. Be direct, who cares? I've been on the other side of crazy people.

DeDee: 13:15

Yeah, well, and I can tell you stories. I tell my team stories when I'm training new agents on my team or within my company. I tell them a lot of the stories that have helped me get to where I'm at. And you know, don't be a jerk on the other side of the transaction. We all have the same goal, right? Yes, the goal is to get this thing to the closing table, absolutely, and working together is always the best strategy.

Jay: 13:40

It is because people remember you. I just remember there are people that on my first few transactions they were just so giving and so I will remember them forever, you know, and I want to go out of the way to make sure that when I'm done with the transaction, not only for my client, but to make sure to show a little bit of appreciation. It goes a long way and it doesn't have to be very expensive at all.

DeDee: 14:02

It could be a car and it doesn't have to be expensive at all.

Jay: 14:05

Right hey.

DeDee: 14:06

I really appreciated working with you. So let me tell you a quick story. Yes, when we were in the market the crazy, crazy market where you know, 12 offers on a house and over and all the things right, Right In the parking lot yeah Right, it came on the market five minutes ago. I had two instances where, you know, we were one of multiple, multiple offers and, for all practical purposes, these offers were exactly the same, Like every single thing was exactly the same. And I heard this story twice and one of the agents called me up and she said we're going with your offer. And here's what it came down to. They said how do we choose? They're the same. How do we choose? They're the same. How do we choose? And she said I can tell you which agent will be the best one to work with. It happened twice. It's so true Because if it's me and I'm easy to work with, or it's some person that's going to make this transaction difficult, yes, high communication.

Jay: 15:00

Get me the paperwork when let's follow the walkthrough. Yes, Be.

DeDee: 15:05

Get me the paperwork when let's follow the walkthrough. Be pleasant, yes, be pleasant. I think it's critical. They remember you when you're good and they remember you when you're not good to work with, absolutely. So I think it's, and I tell my team that all the time you know you want agents to remember you in a good way.

Jay: 15:26

I think, especially with technology these days, you know when you're on an airplane and you're texting another agent Right, like, first of all, who's texting on an airplane? Everyone you get lost in the keyboard warrior stuff you know what I mean and they text and you get a little overheated and you're like, nope, we're not doing that. Like the context of technology doesn't translate. So what I'm saying is I had someone who's really like just Rude at, which I can handle. I'm not afraid of people being rude or whatever, or short or unprofessional, but when you get face to face, people change their tone. They really do. They soften up a little bit.

Jay: 15:55

And I just want people to remember on the other side of the table is another human being and yes, we're standing up for our client. Yes, is another human being and yes, we're standing up for our client? Yes, everyone wins. But we're really arguing over a half percent difference, sometimes on price or negotiation, or you know it's $3,000 off. Like, are we fighting about this? How do we get it to the table Again? This is not a masterclass on how to be a nice realtor, but this kind of does a connection?

DeDee: 16:22

I think it's important to remember too. Not only is the agent another human being, but the clients in this transaction are also human beings. This is a I think every realtor should have to move every five to seven years so that we know we should be forced.

DeDee: 16:37

Yes, that's so good Because if you move, you understand what they're dealing with. You know getting rid of stuff and setting things up and the heightened emotional state, closing on time and all the things that they can't handle right. So we have to remember, first and foremost, that our clients are human beings. They don't do this every day.

Opener: 16:57

We do this every day.

DeDee: 16:58

We know there's going to be some things come up. We're going to handle it right.

Jay: 17:01

You may not even know all of the things that come up that we deal with during a transaction, because we just handle it and we don't need to tell them, right, I think for all the things that they hear about, there's probably three, four things of background that we've just handled right, Either between the lender, between title, between the other agent, between the city, between some, you know, and there's things that we take care of on our own right that just, we don't need to call our client up and say you know what I saved you. Thank God, the concrete company got back to us and I saved you $150. Like, yeah, that's there are. There are people that will do that. Right, I call it virtue signaling, right, oh, you're so lucky, I saved this transaction. I'm like, oh, oh, well, thank you. Like you, you didn't want this on the close either, but no, let's, let's, let's further the conversation.

Jay: 17:51

So you serve the military community. You have the military family background. Let's talk about that. The military community. You have a military family background. Let's talk about that. The military community, specifically in Papillion right, Describe it. You've been other bases. You've been other places, right, You've served these people through transition and you've went through transition as military too. What do you, I don't know, what do you want people to know about the military, the part where you serve military people?

DeDee: 18:19

You know, I think it's really important again understanding all of the emotional things that they're going through moving to a new community. Maybe they've never ever been here. And you know there's we've got a really great packet for someone who's never been to Omaha. Just pretend you've never been in the area before. Oh, that's cool, you know, so we can tell you. You know, if you like museums, parks, you know, botanical gardens, all the cool things about our city and surrounding cities, right, papillion, bellevue, all of that, because if I'm coming in, it's no different than I'm going on vacation and you get all this great information about all the cool things to do. Yeah, true, and it helps them decide where do they want to live. Do they want to be close to base? Do they want to be a little bit away from base? You know, do they want to be out in the country? Because we put a lot of military people in Glenwood?

Jay: 19:07

Oh yeah, true, my first thoughts when I was getting stationed here was like what's there to do? And even then, Didi, had I had some kind of central document or a book, like you said, it would have helped me acclimate more, because I felt isolated. When I moved here I felt like and you went directly to Bellevue because that's where the base was. That's all I knew and I didn't want to venture out and nobody held my hand.

DeDee: 19:34

Whereas at that time in your life I could have seen you more downtown.

Jay: 19:37

True, you know what?

DeDee: 19:39

You didn't know that.

Jay: 19:40

No, not at all, and I was so afraid of leaving the bubble. I think that's important, didi, because I have heard people and I've been on this other side too in my rookie days when somebody wanted to PCS to Offit, move to Offit, and I was not making stuff up, but I was pulling stuff out of the air like, oh, you're looking for schools with special needs, and I didn't have that resource, and oh, bellevue Public Schools is amazing, or Papillion, and I really didn't know. But I heard I was telling them where's the population?

DeDee: 20:11

Well, you didn't have kids in school back then.

Jay: 20:12

Correct.

DeDee: 20:13

So you didn't know anything about it.

Jay: 20:18

It's so true though I didn't know anything from anything, but that's so funny. I'm almost like can I get a copy of that? No, of course, I'm sure you put it together, but that's going above and beyond right. That's connecting with your military community.

DeDee: 20:30

And I think, asking them the questions what is important to you? Because I know a lot of people. I've had friends say to me oh, you live in Nebraska, so you're a farmer. Then Corn, no, we have. Running water, no, I have, yeah, indoor potties. So that's what people think in Nebraska, though. They think farms, they think cattle, they think corn, and it's like we have so much more to offer. So asking them the questions what is important to you in your new home, your new location? Do you have a family? Do you want a yard? Do you want to be downtown?

Jay: 20:59

We've got great condos, we've got great townhomes, we've got country living, we've got all of it, and which is crazy, because all that you said even talking to my dad now, who lives in California he can't picture it unless someone really describes it to him. You know what I mean unless someone really describes it to him. You know what I mean. And there's no central resource. But, like I said, I mean from a military standpoint. Again, we're tying this into the military. It's important that you have a realtor who knows the landscape right, and someone like Didi, who's been doing this for 27 years and you've seen every cycle, You've seen every trick, You've seen every oh my gosh you've seen 2008. You saw all the things that just led to other doom and gloom things. But you're here 27 years later where you can say I'm sure you had a lot of colleagues that started out that you kind of knew that they're not doing this anymore. They're not doing this anymore. No, it takes a back bone.

DeDee: 21:58

Even recently, people got in when it was so easy, like when the homes were selling so fast.

Jay: 22:00

Instagram homies, that's what I called them. Yay, look at this, gone in five minutes, call me.

DeDee: 22:05

But now that we're in a different market, they don't know how to navigate that. I really believe it's better to start like where I started, where you're fighting and you're scratching and you're clawing for everything that you get.

Jay: 22:16

Yes.

DeDee: 22:16

Because then in an easy market it's a cakewalk. But then when the market shifts again, you know okay, now I'm back to clawing and scratching, and not in a bad way, just that. Now I got to change my focus, and that's one thing people don't do in this industry. They think it's always going to be just like yes, no. And they don't want to. You know they don't want to do social media. They don't want to. You know, use AI.

Jay: 22:43

They don't want to do all these things and you're going to be phased out. Some realtors don't even use a database and they think it's just a spreadsheet that you just email everyone every now and then. No, it's true. Developing relationships, you have people that you're very connected with. You have people that just love you as a resource, and you have people that are very neutral and just say listen, I don't need anything.

DeDee: 23:02

When I do, I'll call you.

Jay: 23:03

Yeah, when I do, I'll call you, which is great, right, but you have to know your people, because if you don't, you can lose half of your database. I made that number up, but you can lose a lot of people by not knowing them.

DeDee: 23:15

Knowing how they want to communicate, how much they want to hear from you. I've always it's really I love being in a neighborhood. I'm driving through a neighborhood and I sold you your house and I see that you did this beautiful landscaping project and you painted your house and I send you a text. Jay, I just drove by your house. It looks fantastic. That's a touch.

Jay: 23:34

Oh, and it's an authentic touch. It's not you saying, hey, let's get you a CMA now, right? It's you saying I notice you, I see you and you know they spent money on it. And when your client's like, oh, dang Didi, were you in the name, you should have stopped by. But you're like, no, I'm not going to ring the doorbell at 2.40 in the afternoon and have you in your pajamas, right, right, but there's a time and a place. Yeah, thomas, right, but there's a time and a place. There's a time and a place.

DeDee: 23:56

It doesn't have to be as hard as we make it honestly.

Jay: 24:06

I know you see all these influencers on social media spend $2,900, we'll get you luxury listings. Three of them in the next 60 days are paying nothing. I don't know if I want to build a business like that. Listen, I'd love luxury listings, but I love to serve the people who need me at the time. Do I still do $160,000 houses? Do I do $1.6 million houses?

DeDee: 24:21

Absolutely yes, yeah.

Jay: 24:26

But I don't ever look at it as a volume or a transaction. I look at it as someone who needs a home, and we'll talk about that. So let's transition into the 50 Mile March. Okay, Okay, yeah. So we reconnected. You saw this?

DeDee: 24:45

how long ago did you notice the 50 mile mark?

Jay: 24:46

Well, probably in the early days, in the first you know, the first year probably maybe the second hour.

DeDee: 24:49

Yeah Well, you're always Jay's always doing something, okay? So I think I told you I don't know if it was the first year, maybe the second year I was driving down, I believe it was center street.

Jay: 24:58

Yes, yes.

DeDee: 24:59

And I saw you guys marching, but what I noticed first was Matt bills, yes, hanging out the top of a sunroof with his camera, yes, and I kind of turned on my camera and you know so. Anyway, I was like, oh, there they go. So I've known about it, but I didn't really know. I didn't really know about it. I honestly didn't pay a ton of attention, didn't know it was going to be a thing. Neither did. I Right, I thought it was going to be done. Yeah, it's crazy, it's amazing.

Jay: 25:33

It's a healing journey too for a lot of people, and especially myself. Amazing, it's a healing journey too for a lot of people, and especially myself. But back to you know your observation. And then we reconnected just recently again for the first time. We probably interacted more than five times in a two month period and I started paying attention. And I know you used to always speak about your dad. You know what I mean, but I never listened. Didi, do you understand? Like I can hear, but I never listened. And I want to talk about Marvin now. Okay, and I know this is going to be hard.

DeDee: 26:06

It's going to be okay.

Jay: 26:07

It's going to be. It's going to be good. Let's breathe, okay, so I'll do most of the talking for a second. I've always known Didi to be a compassionate person and someone who, really, I've always known you as a great mom. I didn't. I always saw you as a real estate agent, yes, you know, but every time I saw you I kept asking what are you doing now? What are you? And you still are, and you were filming and you're like gee, I'd like to do a story on the 50-mile march.

Jay: 26:40

And we got there and then that's where we started talking about dad. Right, I want to talk about Marvin Edward Park and I will link a lot of the information here in the About section. I just want to talk about your dad for a second. So your dad was in the military. I just want to talk about your dad for a second. So you were, your dad was in the military and he served in the army, right, and I want people to see this, because when this is an airborne patch and not many people get to wear this and I know Didi doesn't know exactly all the years and all those things, but let's talk about your dad served in the Vietnam era. What do you know of your dad's service? What little or what. I know there's a whole box here, but what do you remember of your dad's service? Or what stories did you?

DeDee: 27:26

hear of. Well, I don't have any memories of my dad.

Jay: 27:30

Okay, personal memories, personal memories, but I'm saying the stories passed down to you.

DeDee: 27:38

You know, this book was made for me by one of his good friends from childhood. They also served together. It's okay. I've heard it all and I think I shed a lot out just because they were in a combat zone and that's really all that I know.

Jay: 27:55

And your father was killed in action. I want to display this now to give Didi a breather for a second, but I will have an explanation of this entire shadow box in the description as well. But I want people to know that this is just a ribbon and brass and metal. This is awarded to people who deserve these medals and the military takes it very seriously. This is not a everyone participates. I just want people to know. When you're listening to this next part, this was Didi's dad and this was someone's son, and this was someone who fought and died for our country, fought and died for our country and paid the ultimate sacrifice. So, Didiee, what did you learn of your dad that you want people to know about? Some of the things that we discussed? I know you have a lot of memories of him, but what are some of the things you're able to talk about now?

DeDee: 28:48

You know my family, both sides, my dad's family, my mom's family, and my mom kept my dad alive for me. He was a bit of a wild child. I know it's probably hard for you to believe.

DeDee: 29:03

Right, you see anything going on here, but he was a little bit of a hellion, and not in a bad way, never in trouble with the law, but he was a wild teenager. I hear stories from I heard stories from my grandmother, my aunts and uncles growing up and now his friends and just went to a funeral in his hometown, which is Bedford, iowa, and some guy was telling me the story of how my dad stole this truck and got it stuck in the mud and I thought that was. I think it's hilarious, yeah, yeah. So those are. Those are the things that I love to hear about who he was growing up and who he was as a person. I don't think he was a great student, he wasn't a great athlete, but he was lovable and likable and people still talk about him today. I wish I had memories, but I don't.

Jay: 29:50

And there are people who never got to meet their parent right, or father or mother went away and they just they weren't able to meet. Or there are some people who just haven't ever even connected. But what are some other things that you want people to know? Like you know some of the stories, maybe from mom or from any of your did dad have brothers or sisters?

DeDee: 30:13

He had one brother and two sisters well, three sisters, but one died as an infant. So I had two aunts and an uncle. A great network of family. My family still lives in the Bedford Iowa area. A lot of my family still farms, so it is a small farm family. My grandmother lived on their family farm until we literally had to kick her out. We took her literally kicking and screaming out of that farmhouse but she couldn't maneuver it anymore, so just a really good wholesome.

DeDee: 30:41

you know, down-home guy, that his family was important to him, whether it be brothers, sisters. You know my mom, me.

Jay: 30:50

So when different times of the year come up Memorial Day or Veterans Day did you always pay attention this much now as you're growing up, or has it just gotten stronger lately as you've gotten older?

DeDee: 31:02

It's gotten stronger as I've gotten older. His friends, steve Batten and Steve Mick, who have come into my life through the memorials that they have in Bedford and they fill in a lot of gaps for me because they were there with him. They were also. My grandmother thought he could do no wrong. So he was the baby and my grandmother thought he could do no wrong, and so it's my uncle and my aunt and these friends who are filling in those gaps for me. Of you know the things my grandmother used to see, which is great.

Jay: 31:31

Do you ever like just call every now and then just to seek out you know thought, or do they reach out to you? How's that now? I mean, is there something that you guys do as a family when you gather, or is it just talk about?

DeDee: 31:46

it at random. Yep, I am reconnected with my uncle. We had kind of lost touch for a while. Okay, reconnected with him, so that's been really fun. He's just kind of a grumpy old farmer guy. Love him to death. Still connected with these guys, and so they just sent me a, they went to my dad's grave on Memorial Day, posted a picture on Facebook and then, you know, the conversations kind of started again, which is really fun to see that after 56 years people still talk about him and they still remember.

Jay: 32:17

It's important, though, that we always say the name and carry the memory. You know, we have to remember, and this blew me away. Okay, so let's go backwards, right? So there was you. You were born. Yeah, you had mom and dad, correct, right? Mom and dad had mom and dad. Mom and dad, you're on your mom's side. Now we're just on how to mom and dad.

Jay: 32:35

Do you understand the slight chance or the odds of you being born of your father? Do you get what I'm saying? You had to come from a thousand something people to be one, and then we think life is just some simple. Oh, we're just born, and I think of this a lot, and, like you said, you can carry your dad's. I mean, you do carry your dad's likeness, you are his daughter, right, and I guess what I'm trying to say is, as long as you keep sharing the story, as long as you keep saying Marvin's name, as long as you have something to share with other people, his name will live. You know what I mean?

Jay: 33:19

We talked about this, and I don't do this for many people. Last year, I walked for five people, and every person that I walk for has a either I'm connected or I feel a connection. It's not just like, hey, I'm going to just do this, it's meaningful to me. So this year I will be walking for Marvin Edward Park. I will have his picture on my back. I have a QR code. It will link to this conversation, it will link to other photos and things of that nature. But I would be really honored if you allowed me to do that for you, for your dad. Really, you know it's almost crazy, as we just sit here and look at a box of medals, how disconnected we are. But each one of these, you know, mean something we always talk about in the military. Oh, they gave, you know they're all. Some gave all and all, all gave some and some gave all. I mean, your father gave all and you know you didn't grow up with a father, right, or at least you know, with Marvin.

DeDee: 34:21

And you know Jay well, and in that you know, I have a wonderful father now, my mom and I are married.

Jay: 34:28

Yes, yes, understood.

DeDee: 34:30

But not knowing. How do you miss something that you never knew? But you do so as a child who never knows their father. That's a void that's hard to explain because people are like well, happened a long time ago, you didn't know it. Well that that makes it harder, right justify.

Jay: 34:54

You know what I'm saying. It's like I think what makes you so connected to him is are the stories, are the people, the way they revere your dad, even the stolen truck story, and people are laughing about it, but that brings him to life.

DeDee: 35:10

It keeps him alive. For me and I'm super thankful for the fact that you know my mom made sure I stayed connected to my dad's family. I spent my summers in Bedford, iowa. It is the greatest experience of my life. It's a small town. It's easygoing my whole family. I think I was related to the whole town. That's all another podcast. Yeah, yeah.

Jay: 35:33

We'll talk about that later.

DeDee: 35:34

But it was my grandma and I would sit down and we would go through these boxes and she has every. I have his baby book. So she saved everything for me and she used to tell me I can't give this to you, you can have this when I pass, but I have to hold on to it. And I get it, and my aunts made sure I got it, Literally, Jay there are boxes and boxes and boxes of things.

DeDee: 36:02

But she kept him alive for me and then you know, just being with my family and getting to know him as best as I could through them, so well you see, it's your family, right?

Jay: 36:08

It's your DNA, first of all, it's your bloodline. But I will tell you that I don't need to know who your family is, but I can just tell the way that the feelings were transferred, that your father was a very good man. You know what I mean. Yeah, like you said, the baby of the family, he could do no wrong. Like, I don't know your dad at all, nor have I ever seen a photo per se, but I could feel your feelings talking about your dad, because your family passed down the right stories. But he wasn't perfect, right? He grew up, like you said, a hool.

DeDee: 36:41

I mean he drove demolition derby cars, if that tells you anything. You know stole motorcycles. I mean you know, he was just a farm kid out there. You know running the roads In Bedford yeah. And I want to tell you too, jay, that he died trying to save someone else.

Jay: 36:59

That's what the medal, the valor, is for, and again I'll highlight those on the letters. But let's think of that for a second. You know it's one thing to defend your body in a fight in a bar, fight right or stand ground and chest to chest on a. I've seen people fight right. I've seen people argue right To lay down your life. We talk about this in the military all the time, you know, and I want to tell people in the military that. And people talk about this in the military all the time, you know, and I want to tell people in the military that and people who are not in the military, these people, some of them knew what they were getting into and some didn't, and they did it anyway, and we hope for safety and we pray for well-being. But this is a story that needs to be honored. Your father sacrificed his life so that somebody else may live. Do you know if that other person is still? Or have they heard stories that I don't, you don't?

DeDee: 37:58

No, I don't and.

Jay: 37:59

I'm sure it's in this book. Oh, I'm sure this book is incredible. Tell me a little bit about the book so that people can get context.

DeDee: 38:07

So this book came from Steve Batten. He made me this book. He was a childhood friend of my dad's and served in Vietnam with him. The other gentleman that I've been reconnected with over the last probably 10, 12 years is Steve Mick. So they were childhood friends and served in Vietnam with my dad.

Jay: 38:25

But this book is about where they were and what they did and there's photos and so probably my most prized possession- I mean right here it says I hope these records of pictures and comments will be future importance to Dee Dee's family on how life in Vietnam was like for her father and our troops during the Vietnam War of 1969. Here I'll share with you Unit C, battery 1st Battalion, 77th Artillery, 1st Cavalry Division. I mean this is more important than any history book that you could ever have in any context of any learning institution. This is real.

DeDee: 39:17

These are stories of depictions and things that have happened, and Steve is a great resource. He's always available if I need him. We're connected on Facebook. I have his cell phone number, happy to answer questions if I might have them or fill in more blanks. So this is more in-depth than anything else that I have ever had.

Jay: 39:35

This is incredible DeeDee For someone to put this together really revered your father and, of course, for you. I mean, I can't tell you even what happened last week. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, jay, what did you do last week? Oh, we were busy.

DeDee: 39:51

Trust me, I know.

Jay: 39:53

I mean the cigarettes from the care packages were old, left over from World War II. We got camel non-filtered Lucky Strike, some modern, up-to-date cigarettes like Winston filtereded, salem, menthol or Marlboro Filtered too. Those camels in Lucky Strike are really strong. I mean, can you imagine these were kids?

DeDee: 40:12

Right, they were kids, and the details in this book are sometimes hard for me to read and to see.

Jay: 40:18

Oh, my gosh, Marvin Park, walking by my artillery gun number one, I would holler at him hey, iowa, as he walked by and he always waved and there's a picture of your father waving.

DeDee: 40:32

I love that picture.

Jay: 40:33

Yeah, it's, that is huge. I'm going to show all these pictures. But you know, writing letters. It says he's writing a letter to home at this time, you know, and the lost art of handwriting, as we were speaking earlier, just writing letters.

DeDee: 40:46

And I, Jay, I have all those letters.

Jay: 40:48

That's incredible.

DeDee: 40:49

I have all the letters to my mom and all the letters to my grandmother.

Jay: 40:54

Wow, so when were you born then? How long after your father passed, were you born or were you born?

DeDee: 41:03

I was born in April of 1968. Okay, so don't do the math on that, it's not necessary. And my dad was killed May 12th of 1969. So I was just 13 months old.

Jay: 41:16

So again, not even having any. You were 13 months. You know what I mean.

DeDee: 41:22

I have pictures you've seen pictures of me and my dad together. He was gone most of my life. He wasn't there when I was born. He did come back. We did get to spend time together, but not a lot, and my mom was young. My mom was a 19-year-old widow you know what's crazy?

Jay: 41:39

Well, first of all, 19-year-old widow. But do you know what's crazy is? We tell kids today, my daughter just got married, she's 21. I'm like you're young, but your mom was 19 years old, had you and a 19-year-old widow.

DeDee: 41:52

A 19-year-old widow, yeah.

Jay: 41:55

People are working at Starbucks right now at 20 who haven't lived a full life yet. Your mom lived a full life by 19 years old. You know what I mean. Yeah, and is mom still with us then? Okay, yeah, how old is mom now?

DeDee: 42:10

She'll be 75 this year and she will kick your butt for asking that question but okay, All right mom.

Jay: 42:17

I'd love to do a documentary of this whole thing. I mean I really would. Deedee, yeah, because to connect for your dad, marvin, to be connected to all these people and live through all these people, I think we can learn some amazing things from that. But it just blows my mind and I'm probably not doing great job on this podcast right now of following what you're saying, but, deedee, this is so. I mean I'm following what you're saying, I'm feeling what you're saying, but this is so surreal to me I almost forgot we were podcasting for a second. I want to continue this, I really do. Again, I want most people to know they hear things right, but they never listen. And, didi, I apologize to you, I never listen. You're my friend and you know, hey, how are you? But I think there's something to learn. There is listen to the people around you, listen to the story. It goes beyond the happy hours, the get togethers, all the parties, but you know your father tied together a lot of people, and how old was dad when he was killed in action.

Jay: 43:30

He was born in 47, so I think 21. I mean 21 years old, right, but to have this big of impact on all these people? For you know, I have friends that have passed away. I have friends who have. I've never done anything like this for them. I've never. Hey, sorry for your loss. Or hey, let me tell you a story about your mom or your dad. Never anything to this extent. And this documented. And I mean you know, most service members will never get a shadow box like this. They served Not a big deal. They did four years, whatever, but they moved on. Didi, you knew me when I was in my uniform. Still, I did. I didn't even know what I was, didi. After I left the military, I didn't care that I was in the military, you know what I mean. After I left, I was like, yeah, whatever, and for years I really didn't talk about it, connect about it, almost ashamed of it, you know.

DeDee: 44:18

But Jay, I think as we get older, because we've known each other, like I said, I knew you were doing this 50 Mile March. I didn't really pay, I didn't listen right, I didn't pay attention to what it really was or the impact that it was having, and I see that now very clearly with us doing the American Dream Show. Yes, the people. I'm amazed at how dedicated I mean. This isn't just something that you get up some weekend and you walk 50 miles. You guys are out there Monday, wednesday, friday. There are criteria that you have to raise funds, you have to do all the things. It's not just a walk. It's not just a walk and I know you say something.

Jay: 45:03

We call it a movement. We call it a movement or I don't't know what. I say a lot of things, but you say interested in committee.

DeDee: 45:09

Yeah, yeah are two different things. A hundred percent and these people are committed. We saw that at the tryout. Crazy it's in, it's insane.

Jay: 45:19

Did you even know that day what it would be like when I said come meet me.

DeDee: 45:22

Well, you said we have a tryout and and I'm like you have a tryout, like, seriously, it's just walking, exactly, but the pictures from the old walks, and like, truly, and those people put their bodies through, they burned through a pair of shoes they carry. How heavy was that backpack thing?

Jay: 45:40

We did 15 as a minimum, but some people were carrying 60 and 25.

DeDee: 45:45

And it's hot.

Jay: 45:48

Oh yeah, there was a nine-year-old and 70. Well, the oldest here was like 66, but we had a remote qualifier, Chip Frazier, who was 73, 74. And he's walking in this year. This will be his fourth year, I believe.

DeDee: 46:08

If you guys haven't watched it or seen it, go look it up at their website, which is 50MileMarchorg. Okay.

Opener: 46:15

Yes.

DeDee: 46:16

Because it's truly incredible and it is all about our veterans and it is all about helping those who are struggling the veterans that are struggling.

Jay: 46:24

Think about it, you know when you're dead, you know, I mean, vietnam was not a great time for our country, and you hear all the stories of the people who did come back. Well, your dad didn't come back, and I want people to remember that Vietnam wasn't just bad for the people who came back and got spit on. It was bad for the people who never came back and their families and their families. I just DD. Like I said, I want to continue this conversation. I want to thank you today for even spending the time. You just never know which way a podcast is going to go. But I do know one thing is there's more story to tell. There's more of your story to tell. There's more to document. I'd love to travel to Bedford and talk to Seriously, it would be fun, it would be a whole day, yes, and then we can have people to, and then, when we put all this together, it's not going to be difficult.

DeDee: 47:15

But I just want to learn they would be there. I mean, we would have a crowd of people that would be there no-transcript, and we just need to remember Marvin Park, who sacrificed his life.

Jay: 47:57

He was your dad Killed in action and not for anything except to serve his country and carry out a mission. And then too often the news and movies and it over glorifies, and this is not glorious. These medals are not glorious. They're a depiction of the bravery and the zeal and the character, but these don't even tell the story. I don't know if there's anything else that you want to say before we.

DeDee: 48:26

I appreciate you walking in his honor.

Jay: 48:29

Absolutely. I promise you I will not complain. I will not complain one bit and I will tell his story proudly. I want to get to know it better because I want people to ask me and I want to share the story of Marvin Park and I want to listen to you. I want to learn more because we don't listen, and I hope, if nothing else from this podcast, that you all, whether you're watching or listening to this, listen to those around you. It costs nothing, just a little bit of time. You know what I mean. Just a little bit of time.

DeDee: 49:00

We've lost the art of connection, and as I get older, that gets more and more important.

Jay: 49:06

It does.

DeDee: 49:07

True, genuine connection with people that you love is a precious gift. It really is.

Jay: 49:14

Well, thank you for joining us. Deedee, thank you, and more to come.

DeDee: 49:18

Yeah, way more to come. Thanks for having me and thanks for walking for me, absolutely.

Opener: 49:36

Thanks for tuning in to the Connection. Absolutely, your feedback keeps us going In this connected world. Let's make meaningful connections that enrich lives. Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep connecting and let's go.